So today was a day to clean the yard, which hasn't been done in a very long time as you will be able to tell from this story. I was cleaning up some old cardboard and wood from the side of the house, when I uncovered the mummified remains of a cat. CAT LOVERS NOTE: I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE DEMISE OF THIS ANIMAL!! Apparently his foot had gotten stuck in the woodpile, and since there was other old stuff on top, no one heard him yelping (or he was very quiet about it). He must have been there quite a while because really all that is left is skin and bones.
So I felt quite like Indiana Jones, coming across the rare Cat Mummy of San Jose. Of course I had to share this with someone, so I ran to get my wife (yah, probably not the best person to share such a thing with, but none of my friends who could truly appreciate such a thing were about.) I asked her how her stomach was feeling, and, cautious as she always is about my out-of-the-blue queries like that, she asked what I meant. She thought maybe I had found the mouse that I accidentally let loose in the house last week (but that is another story). I told her "No, this is much better than that..just follow me to the side yard!" which she warily did. I pulled back the old cardboard on top of the pile of wood and grinned wildly as I showed her my prize find. "Look! A cat!" Of course, you can guess the reaction that any woman would have when being shown such a "treasure" in close proximity to where she lives. No amount of coaxing could get her to touch it, even with gloves on. After about 3 seconds of determing that this wasn't another one of my usual stupid jokes, she quickly made her way back to her gardening and insisted that I get rid of it. I picked him up and noticed he was very light. I had to run back to the yard and tell my wife excitedly "Bugs ate all of his guts!" She was not impressed.
Of course, I couldn't just throw such a prize away, so I took a few pictures of it. I actually did wrap him up in plastic and put him in the trash, but then I got to thinking--I've been reading the stuff that people have been giving away for free on Craigslist for a while, and I've been absolutely amazed at the crap I find here: half-used bottles of lotion, unusable tires, broken fish tanks, countless horrid couches, computers that would hardly be worthy of the dust they contain, and so on--I'm sure you've seen worse. So I figured, "Hey, some nut job out there has got to want a free mummified cat." I bet my wife that someone would reply and take it. She thinks I'm crazy. I told her that there are many many people out there that are far crazier than I am.
So here's where the free mummified cat comes in. He's in the garbage can right now. If someone responds tonight and for whatever insane reason decides they want a free mummified cat, let me know and I'll drop him off somewhere. You can tell me the reason why you may want him, but honestly I'm not really sure I want to know. I can arrange to put him somewhere for you. I was thinking of putting him out in front of my house, but I'm not sure I want the kind of people who would take a free dead cat to be wandering around my house--no offence or anything. :)
I guess most ads should have a description of what it is you are giving away, so here it is:
Free for the taking: 1 mummified cat. Approximately 18 inches long and weighs about 2 ounces. Indeterminite gender, as most of the internal bits have been eaten away. Current color is yellow, but unsure what the original color was as the fur is missing (there is one small patch that looks like it maybe was white). Very stiff. Little care needed. New owner assumes all responsibilities. Great temperment with other pets and children.
Here are some pictures. And yes, this is real.
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