9 ½ Weeks-Sex Slave
How would you like to be fed gourmet meals prepared by a professionally trained chef seven days a week? Does your job allow you to telecommute? Are you capable of having sex 3 or more times a day? (Should our schedules allow?)
Could you suffer a Bow Flex machine and a Nordic Track as your way of staying in shape for a few months (that & sex, of course!) Do you like Air Hockey?
Do you ever dream of never leaving the house, having all the dvd’s on the planet at your disposal and being allowed to watch all the sports your heart desires on a 5’ TV screen any time you’re not being asked to participate in a sexual activity?
Do you have any fetishes that include bondage?
Great then you are the man for me.
I’d like to chain you in my basement, which has all of the above amenities; for 9& ½ weeks (because that’s about how long it takes till I’ll be bored with you.) Nothing personal, it’s just how I work. Plus it will save me from…...waiting and wondering if you'll call or if I said the right thing to snag the guy, and/or writing long winded psychotic emails to the ethers of net because you say “you like me too much” way too soon, driving me to make sure you understand that that is not an option, only to have you then think I’m insane but my shrink says “No”; although I’ve begged her mercilessly to diagnose me otherwise, (she finds me charismatic & amusing. I’d date her if she weren’t a chick), or if I should drink a bottle of wine & take a Vicodin in order to get a Brazilian Wax (think grooming the Nether Region) or clean my apartment in the case of a “possible booty call”.
It’ll be a long chain and you can get around ok. If you can telecommute, you won’t lose any money from not working. I have a job I enjoy so you can work when I’m working and not needing your Love Stick.
Please do not have any Mom’s, sister’s, ex’s or offspring that will worry about your where-about(s) for the next few mths. This is strictly a No Strings Attached proposal.
Please be someone I don’t need to get drunk to have sex with.
About Me: In a “perfect” world, I'd just make a cassette of my life, good, bad, ugly. Hand it over to the all the interesting guys I see & say, "Listen to the tape. It's who I am, this week. I'm a chick remember. Next week, I'll be ovulating & emotional, the next week I'll be pms'ing & crabby (insert b word) & the next week I'll be losing a dead egg & psychotic, then inevitably it will be a full moon & only the shadow knows for sure what my mood may be."
Actually I’m pretty easy going as long as I’m not hungry & my feet don’t hurt.
Please spare me the photos of your penises. It makes it really awkward for the coffee talk. “Which one were you again? I don’t recognize you from your face?”
Don’t bother to reply to this ad. I don’t really have a Bow Flex machine-I mean this is SF, where would I put it?