Originally Posted: 2004-02-23 08:08 (no longer live)
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Open Letter to My Mind


Dear My Mind:

We've had some good times together. Really, I've been having a great time with you. Your quick-firing synapses have gotten me through lots of times, both good and bad. Remember those killer college prep tests like the ACT and SAT? Wow, do I owe you one for that. And when you still function after massive consumption of alcohol? That's love. There was also that time you helped me to piece together the clues to help me discover that my now-ex-boyfriend was cheating on me. Only you could've pulled that one off.

But now our connection is starting to deteriorate like an early-20's relationship. At first I thought it was just a phase. Hell, I had just turned 30, and I expected a little jumping around, re-evaluation of the whole life situation, wondering whether this relationship was something to pursue for the long term. There was doubt, there was indecision, there was some worry. But I took it with a grain of salt, for I figured it was a mid-life brain cell crisis of some sort. You wouldn't leave me, now would you baby?

We are starting to turn into an abusive, co-dependent relationship. I want love, you give me beratement. I want security, you tell me I'm not good enough. I want to know which of two movies to see, you stay silent. So what do I do? I cower to your whims: getting more sleep, getting less sleep, drinking booze, drinking caffeine, exercising, not exercising, all to no avail.

WTF Mind? Why are you treating me this way? I thought we had a good, solid working relationship. Our rules were unstated: I exercised, ate healthy (vegan no less!), got 8.5 hours of sleep a night, refrained from smoking anything, and in return you would show up day after day, helpfully navigating me through the politics of my job, helping me to cross traffic on busy streets in Emeryville, deciding between Golden Delicious and Red Delicious.

Well, this abuse is going to stop NOW. I'm not taking it anymore. One more wrong thought, and I'm going on a Night Ranger/Barry Manilow/Britney Spears/Mr. Mister/Eminem/Celine Dion/Barney CD spending spree and I'm going to make you my bitch.

So there.

Love,
The rest of Me



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