I have a question for all you people. Why is it so hard to get laid for a straight guy in the Bay Area? I'm not into the bar scene, esp. since all my guy friends are in relationships, which brought me to Craigslist and Casual Encounters...

And my God, what an abyss of frustration and desperation! OK, first of all, why are there like 1000 guys for every woman? Let's assume that there are an equal number of single, straight women and men (although, really, there should be more women than men, since like half the men around here are gay). Where the hell are the other 999 women? They're not in my bed, I can tell you that. So basically all there is on CE is guys desperately pleading for sex. And it's obviously not working, since you can watch the same guy's ad get more and more desperate. Good God, man, have a little dignity! I can hear the begging in your voice from here, and I'm just reading a string of words of a screen. ...And then the one woman who actually posts in CE in any given week gets a response from every one of those 1000 guys, so unless you catch the ad within like 5 min after it was posted, your reply won't even be read. ...However, lest you think I consider myself superior to these guys, let me admit that I did post a Casual Encounters ad once. I got one reply. From a guy. Evidently the "no men please" statement in my post was too subtle. Speaking of which, what's up with the guy who always posts offering blowjobs for straight guys? Which part of "straight" does he not understand? What does this guy do for a living, run a hot dog and burger stand for vegetarians?

So after the glorious triumph of Casual Encounters, one has no choice but to turn to Erotic Services. And here things get even more puzzling. First off, what are all these abbreviations? Does anyone except the actual hookers know what they mean? First there is GFE. I don't know what that is, but everyone's offering it or asking for it. "Good Fucking Extra"? Whatever it is, it must be good, it costs a lot of money... Then there are like 5 variations on "bj". I know what a bj is (though it's been longer than I'd like since I've gotten one), but a "bbbj"? "Big Bad Blowjob"? Wait, that sounds like the guy from Casual Encounters again... And the other day someone asked what "DFK" stands for. Now I don't know how to even begin imagining what that means, but I have a feeling it's something really nasty. I can't even think of any words that start with "k" except "kitchen" and "Kaiser". And I don't wanna do nothin' with the Kaiser. ...And finally, there is f/s, which is in like every freakin' ad. I think I finally figured out that it stands for "full service", which is apparently a weird way of saying "sex". Now when I got an ad in the mail from Midas saying they are a "full-service automobile repair shop", I really had some questions. Then again, when you think about what they do to you with their prices, I guess it all makes sense. ...And another question. Does the number of dollar signs in the post reflect the actual price of the encounter? You know, like Zagat's restaurant guide? I.e. does "$exy blonde for you" mean a $50 blowjob in the back seat of a Pinto, while "generou$$$$ gentlemen wanted" is a $400 an hour affair at the Ritz? Come on, people, I'm on a tight budget here.

OK... I don't really know what the point of this post is. But hey ladies, if my amazing wit and eloquence have piqued your interest, I'm a good-looking 23 year old guy with a big... vocabulary... Hey I'm just kiddin' folks. Like any woman's actually going to reply to this! Well, maybe one of the hookers will reply. She could at least explain the abbreviations to me...