Start your own Junk Yard!
How can I offer such an amazing career opportunity for absolutely FREE? Truth be told, I am a kind and magnanimous person (that means I'm generous, no need to look it up). I want YOU to realize the American dream by running your own business. In the olden days, there were friends and family who were willing to give you a chance and help you with the necessary step up. Alas, your friends and family are too busy driving around in their over-priced fancy-schmancy cars, to give little ol' you the time of day. That's where your benevelant angel comes in. Me.
I have a nice collection of prime Grade AAA junk that I'm willing to give you -- the first person who has the sense to recognize the value of such a generous and can I say loving, offer.
Just what kind of junk are we talking about? Well, I hope you're sitting down, because this is the creme de la creme of junk. Not just any junk. Heck, you can actually purchase your ordinary run-of-the-mill junk at any garage sale or thrift store. This is special junk, the kind no one else wants, which makes it that much rarer. Can you imagine if everyone wanted this junk? Now, it wouldn't be junk, would it? How can you have a junk business without junk? That's just crazy talk.
So, to start your junk business off on the right foot, here's a list of the fabulous junk pieces you can expect to start your very own junk business:
1. 17" CRT monitor-- Imagine in a few years how much this baby will be worth when the Smithsonian puts out a call for this ancient relic and all those former owners wring their hands in frustration over their short-sidedness!
2. Big old ugly papasan chair--Bought on a whim at Cost Plus. This cultural icon has a light bamboo frame and a slightly moldy red and white hibiscus print cushion. This would be a lovely addition to your side porch, right next to the busted up washing machine and the rusted Pinto transmission. Can you just imagine conducting your very own junk business from the comfort of this sterling piece of corporate furniture?
3. Small computer desk-- This pressed board and fake vinyl wood-toned piece is from the rare Cheapo collection at most fine office discount stores. Set up next to your papasan chair, you now have a nice executive suite to conduct your new junk business!
4. Beat up shoe box of miscellanous dried out pens, chewed up pencils and broken crayons—The forefront of any new business endeavor is ADVERTISING ADVERTISING ADVERTISING! Get a competitive edge on all those other junk businesses and create your own advertising signs for pennies! To show you just how dedicated I am to helping you succeed, I’ll even throw in several hunks of old cardboard, and those signs will practically write themselves!
5. Oil-stained heated mattress pad, without the electrical cord—This twin-size treasure was accidently washed with a pair of oily jeans. This serendipitous accident means you now have a classy cover for your papasan chair to protect it from the rain and elements. With all the oil this bad boy soaked up, it’s a pretty safe bet it’s waterproof!
6. One kinda rickety slatted wood dining room chair—This chair screams CEO of a major junk company! When your customers walk up that porch, and step over your three pitbulls, the first thing they’ll think when they see you sitting in this chair is—“I am talking to the top banana!”
7. Two matching dead potato plant trees. In the interest of recycling, I dragged these two beauties off the street last fall before the damn green-cycle truck could pick them up.
Of course, when I found them they appeared to have been recently uprooted and discarded, and still had green foliage. I planted them in the back yard, where several winter storms succeeded in not only re-uprooting them, but killing them in the process. With the high cost of landscaping, you can really save big bucks on these old-growth trees.
Only serious entrepreneurs need inquire. If you act now, we can draw up a contract that assures I will give you first option to haul away any other junk I may dig up around the place.
- this is in or around north san jose
- no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests