Originally Posted: 2003-08-13 17:20 (no longer live)
print

FINALLY- The Ultimate Solution to Pooping in Public Restrooms

It has come to my attention that we have a collective national phobia (male and female alike) about dumping in public, especially at work. I have read many self help rants that mostly instruct the Pooper how to distract the listening Poopee through not so suble acts of subterfuge; such as coughing, shuffling the feet, flushing the toilet at the "appropriate moment" or plain holding it in until the bathromm is unoccupied. What nonsense. In addition to the timid and shy (you normal people) this self conscious phobia affects the loud and ignorant morons as well. These are the same idiots that instigate bar-room brawls, sexually molest innocent victims, or have a mean streak the size of my huge penis. Imagine a large, dirty, burly, long haired, bearded, scarred, tatooed, pierced, roughian in a black leather jacket and combat boots, with a hanging 9 pound key ring, smoking a cigarette...sitting innocently, embarrassed even, with his pants down sitting in the stall - desparately holding in a massive toilet trout because there is an old man washing his hands at the sink.
Bullshit. I say let it rip. People of all cultures, in every corner of the world, from time immortal have shat or farted - regularly. It is a normal bodily function. No different than coughing or sneezing other than it may smell a bit more pungent. We have enough to worry about. Free yourself.
So the next time you need to dump or release some gas in a public or semi-public restroom - fear not - let your body proudly speak for itself. The louder the better. And if someone in the next stall slips a fart, do him or her a favor and confidently proclaim in a loud voice "THAT WAS MINE". You'll feel better about yourself and you will have secured a new friend for life.


post id: 14866143