Originally Posted: 2003-07-11 12:28 (no longer live)
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I have a weird date story if you're bored

I was at a party last weekend and noticed this amazing girl. She was probably about 23 with long dark hair and was simply stunning. One of those girls that causes an adrenaline rush when you see her, and you feel it hit your stomach and quadriceps. I consumed enough alcohol to illicit the requisite courage and I approached her. We hit it off, got her number, and we went to dinner last night. I am normally loathe to date and usually only do so out of a feeling of social obligation. Nevertheless I was looking forward to this one, as she very easy to talk to and legitimately beautiful.

I picked her up and we arrived at the restaurant to find our table was not ready yet. We found a spot of the bar, she had a 7&7 and I a martini. I was in a great mood, funny how all it takes is a nice, pretty girl to make one feel on top of the world. She is one of those “what is she doing with that dork?” type of girls, but I didn’t care.

Anyways, we were seated and the date was going well. We talked, laughed, and felt genuinely comfortable around one another. I didn’t feel as though I was on a first date, it felt more like catching up with an old friend. The feeling was mutual and she leaned in close and said:

“I feel like I can tell you anything and I want to tell you something I have not told anyone yet”

“Go ahead.”

“You promise not to think I’m a weirdo or anything?”

“I promise, trust me you can say no wrong.”

She drew closer to me, her eyes widened, the restaurant seemed to grow quiet, and suddenly everything felt very serious.

“ I saw a chicken on the fire escape of the apartment beneath mine a couple of days ago.”

No smile, no exclamation point, just a blunt statement with a stoic face. I couldn’t help it and smiled broadly, but I could see she did not like this so I attempted to take this revelation seriously.

“That’s weird, maybe it…” She interrupts.

“Let me finish. It was right below me (I heard blow me), and when I opened the window to look at it he moved back and forth. It was a small chicken, probably like about one foot tall. It was totally dirty and just disgusting (long pause) it called out loudly. I watched it for about 10 minutes and went to get my roommate. (another pause) When I returned with her the chicken was gone.”

I started laughing, I couldn’t help it.

“That’s it? I thought you were going to tell me something bad. So what you saw a chicken on the fire escape and it flew away when you were not looking.”

“Chickens can’t fly!!!” Her eyes widened again and I noticed her gripping the side of the table.

“Are you sure? I thought they could”

“Yes! I’m sure. That’s what is freaking me out. How did it get on a fifth floor fire escape huh? Where the f-ck did it come from? There are no farms in San Francisco the last time I checked. Why was it so filthy? Why was it calling out like that?”

She was becoming visibly excited, her face began to flush, the volume of her voice increased, and her tone was almost accusatory. I began to think it was weird that she was telling me about a chicken on a fire escape in an accusing and angry way. I began to think “does this chick think I put a small, dirty chicken on her neighbors fire escape?” I looked at the other tables, as I was concerned that people could hear us.

“Listen, Stephanie, its no big deal. Maybe the person who lives in that apartment put it out there for some reason and brought it inside when you left. Trust me, there are some weird people out there.” To myself I was thinking “like you.”

Her face tightened, her lips pursed, she took a deep breath and looked me coldly in the eye.

“That apartment is vacant and has been for months.”

“ Well maybe….”

She kicked me sharply on the shin beneath the table because our waiter was approaching. As if I wanted him to hear this conversation. When he departed she insisted on a full review of the facts. She described the chicken again and its movements. She emphasized that it was small and very dirty, she told me again how it called out. I was afraid she was going to make the noise for me right in the restraint…thankfully she did not. She told me again that it was on a fifth floor fire escape, chickens can’t fly, and the apartment was vacant. Again her tone of voice was angry and I sincerely felt as though I was being accused.

“Stephanie, its definitely weird, but are you implying, that for some bizarre reason, I procured a small, filthy chicken and put it on your neighbors fire escape?”

“No, no,….I’m sorry this is just freaking me out and I wanted to tell you for some reason. I just can’t get it out of my head and I want to figure it out.”

This was my opportunity to diffuse the situation.

“Tell you what, let me think about it for a couple of days and see if I can come up with anything.”

“Thanks, that’s all I’m asking…..promise not to tell anyone ok?”

“I promise.”

We proceeded to talk and finish dinner and more drinks as if nothing had happened. I took her home and got a great, long kiss tonight. She got out of the car and put her head in the window.

“Thanks for listening tonight, I know I’m not crazy, please don’t tell anyone and call me right away if you think of anything.”

She was dead serious. She closed the door and I laughed to myself as I drove off. I was now in love. How many girls make me laugh to myself? I love that she can’t let it go. I love her I’m sure. But now I need an explanation…. Any ideas??? This is a true story.




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