The time has come guys, and I'm sorry. I know that you counted on me as much as I counted on you for a while now. It was never too serious, you know, we hit the bar or the restaraunt (almost always dutch unless you felt obliged to get me plastered or fed) and then we hit one of our beds for the night and have crazy monkey sex. In the morning there was a few moments of cuddling and coversation, a quick peck and then I was out the door, checking in on maybe Wednesday or Thursday to see what the plan was for the weekend. I always drove or rode home happy and fulfilled, thinking that life couldn't possibly get any better or easier.

I cared about each of you, but not to a very large extent. I would have cried if you died or got seriously injured (and not even out of selfishness!) but I honestly didn't notice if we didn't talk for a few weeks. So instead of addressing each of you personally, I'm writing this letter to all of you, since for the most part you all knew about each other anyway.

James, I know you love me. I hope you'll be happy for me. You've been there for me to whine to, to cry to, and to just pal around with for so long. You've always greeted me with a smile and a hug even though I wouldn't speak to me after some of what I've done to you. You were also there everytime I needed a good lay, everytime I needed to hear that I was special and worth loving, and good. You've said time and time again that you would rather be my friend for life than my boyfriend for anything less than that. I hope you mean it, because you are and always have been one of my best friends.

Bob - we had an excellent run and a perfect understanding of our unique situation. I once said in another life we were meant to be bf/gf and you responded with "no, we were meant to be married." And that sums it up. We are/were both damaged very similarly and it just didn't make good for us opening up to each other, trusting and putting ourselves on the line again. Our shortcomings were the same and we offered each other no insight as to how to overcome them as a couple. You were always sweet and attentive though, thoughtful, sincere, and honest. You may be the only one I mean this to - I really hope we stay friends and find away to put that animal magnetism on the shelf.

Dan. Jesus you are HOT HOT HOT. Such a good lay. Such a happy girl you made me with your 11 years of life and sex experience on me. You made me feel desired, sexy, and sophisticated somehow. Must be that trendy neighborhood you live in, your perfect studio or your established, professional life. We could talk to each other about how our dating lives were going and discuss issues and problems like two pals. Honestly, I very rarely noticed the age difference between us. I liked your wallet too. You are a gentleman, respectful and a little old-school. I know you're searching for your "one" and I hope you find her with all the criteria you stated. You deserve that completion and I hope you find it. Keep in touch?

Young Irish Guy from New Year's Eve: You were so cute. I can't believe you were only 19!!! It was sweet the way you didn't know the game and called me every day that you were in the States, asking me to come out. I also can't believe I slept with a 19 year old, even though our age difference isn't that great.

Brian M, I wish you lived closer and I wish I got to shag your brains out cause you are so freakin' irresistable. On second thought, maybe not knowing and you being far away is the better alternative. You are the creative genius that I've always sought, rarely found. You are the poet, the artist, and the dreamer but lack practicality, because you haven't needed it yet. Between your awesome images, your surfboard, and your game systems I hope you grow up and live the best life possible. I guess I only wish we got to hang out more.

Brian B, you forced yourself into my life and my bed and my apartment. You were charming enough so that I didn't mind at first, charismatic enough so that I thought you were motivated, and knew every 'right' thing to say to make me think I had just landed a great catch. You are lazy, selfish, and a slob. Not to mention that you smoke way too much weed to keep your woman happy and are borderline alcoholic (again, a problem in the sack). For all of that I am not sorry that I fucked both Bob AND Dan while we were dating. I wanted to be a good girlfriend, but I just didn't have a good boyfriend. I had a needy, spoiled child. I really hope you grow up and stop depending on your trust fund and wealthy relatives to help you float through life without a care in the world. For all your worldly adventures you have no character to show for it and no compassion for your fellow humans. In a word, you suck.

To my Soul Mate: I can't believe I met you nearly 10 years ago. I am amazed by the fucked-up kids we once were and the adults we've become. I am as in love with you now as I ever was and its a gift, a sign, and a very real asset to my life. To yours, too I hope. We've found each other again and I'm not going to let go this time, and you've promised you won't either. I love you for everything you are and everything you do - for yourself, for your friends, and for me. I have never felt as at ease, at peace, or as happy as I am when I wake up in your arms. I'm so excited to be starting our life together. I think that this time, we will get it right. I want you to be able to relax, I want you to be able to breathe and I'm only here with you because I think I can help you do that. The last two years of my life were spent worrying about me and only me. It's refreshing, amazing, and awe-inspiring the way you turn the tables for me and give me a broader view, a plan, and a partner without having asked me to do any of it or give up anything.