Originally Posted: 2005-11-19 8:50am
The "Other Woman" Club
I want to have a club. A club made only for women who made the poor decision of dating and falling in love with a married man.
I don't want this to be a club for women who date married men repeatedly because they like certain aspects of it. This club would be for women who have only done it once, and vowed (and kept the vow) of not ever doing it again.
We can discuss a subject each week.
Week One might go something like this,
"Why the fuck didn't I listen to the 1500 people who told me this was a bad idea?"
Week Two might have this title:
"Why sex with married men is often 1000 times better than sex with single men, and how the fuck am I ever going to go back to having sex in a bed at night like normal people when I've been giving blow jobs in the back seat of cars for the last six months because my married boyfriend doesn't want to run into my roommates?"
Week Three might be a break from all the angst and we can choose one of the married men to stalk briefly and innocently... maybe we can wheatpaste all the poles on his block with the simple phrase, "There is philanderer who lives amongst you"... Yeah, that sounds fun.
Week four we can delve into some Gestalt Therapy. One of the recently dumped/dumper can scream into an empty chair, "You told me we would move to Sweden when you left her and you just bought tickets to take your family to Sweden for Christmas???? I thought you were taking ME to SWEDEN? I fucking hate you and hope you get mugged and killed by a group of Swedish Assasins on Christmas Eve. And by the way your come tastes nasty!" Then, we can all go give our friend a big hug and proceed to get really drunk. Yippee!
Week Five we will all commend ourselves on how much cuter we are (as compared to the wives), and then feel bad for having aything against the wife, since we must remember it's her idiotic husband that we hate.
Week Six? New member recruitment. When trying to get new members, remember that they still might be in the denial phase. You must fully expect to hear the following phrases,
"No, this is really totally different than your average infidelity situation",
"But *my* boyfriend has never done this before",
"Oh, he's leaving her, he's been trying to let her down lightly, it might take some time."
"Oh, he's got kids, so he has to do this in his own way"
Or if he doesn't have kids,
"His wife is very sensitive, she's threatended to commit suicide/is bipolar/is psychotic"
Women, you know what to tell the new recruit,
"If he is still in the same house as her, he's not in the midst of leaving her. He's with her. If he was *actually* prepared to leave, he would *actually* be taking steps to find another bed to sleep in, not *actually* text messaging you twice a day as his method of talking to the 'love of his life' on the weekend. And actually? His wife probably *is* pyschotic and suicidal and it's actually because her husband is a lying dipshit."
Week seven we mourn and share the good things (few as they are) about our exes. Subjects usually include the propensity married men have for performing oral sex which they hadn't partaken in for years, the size of the exes cock, and of course the romance factor (extremely high in the married male). Notice how they never forget a birthday, insist on paying for meals, and shower you with descriptions of your absolute and total loveliness.
Week Eight? Some more vanilla stalking. It's pathetic in an individual but quite fun when done with a group. Maybe sending one of the mementos (like a key card or book of matches from one of the hotels you two once frequented) to their house anonymously. The poor wife, if she is anything like any of duped wives, probably will probably confront her husband and get told, "Oh! Yeah, a guy from work sent it to me. We are involved in a treasure hunt and we are sending each other clues. We thought it would be fun to send the clues to the others spouse. You know, just for fun. This must be a clue! The treasure must be in a room in the Hilton! I'll go there now!" He'll then speed from the room rapidly with a crazed look in his eye. At which point, the wife will turn off the little intuition button flashing, briefly wonder how on earth she will go through life as a single woman now that she is almost 40, and she'll get started on dinner.
Week nine is about taking responsibility. It's about realizing that you made a total fucking mistake falling in love with someone who is unavailable. We try to realize that the only losers in the equation are ourselves and the wives who have to live with these grown-up sized children. The only solution? To break out of the prison we have set up for ourselves. Friends, we don't have to be victims of this situation! We don't have to only get laid once or twice a week. We don't have to cherish emails and text messages as our mementos of love! We don't have to consider three day business trips, "vacations" with our loved ones. We are free if we want to be! No more vanilla stalking! No more waiting by the phone sobbing! The walls are made of paper! Whoo hoo!!! Where's the tequila, I feel like getting drunk and dancing on a table!
Week ten? Moving on and away.... Doesn't it feel fantastic?:)
I did it! You can do it too :)
The former Other Woman.
PS: Trolls, I really don't give a shit if you feel like getting all idignant about how we got "what we deserve". I'm sure you'd love to make us all feel worse, because people like you are unhappy and put-upon, but save your aggression and slurs for yourself. You know your parents never loved you, don't you?
PPS: I just know some right wing Christian is going to write me and quote the bible. It's the dark side of the internet that now right wing christians can preach to me even if I never come near a church. But can I tell you something? If I ever thought to choose a new religion, becoming a born again christian would fall somewhere after Scientology and joining any leftover Branch Davidians.
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