To the Stinky Hippy Dude...
I also know that, for the most part, people are accepting of all manner of things, the weirder the better. Like the pink dude who walks around downtown with a pink umbrella and pink lace tutu practically every day. Good for him.
You, stinky hippy dude, while I don’t mind that you smell of sandalwood (sometimes) and pot (most of the time), I do mind that you smelled, this Wednesday, like a porta potty left out in the sun for a month. Guarded by a wet dog.
I understand that you don’t buy clothes because it’s “supporting the captatalistic (sp) system of exploitation and mind-mind manipulation,” fine fine.
I also understand that you don’t use regular soap because it’s “cruelty to the environment and it pollutes the rain forests, dude” (explain how my soap gets directly into the rainforests, please).
I further understand that you’ve the need to be “closer to Mother Earth” by refusing to wear shoes (why why why why why why WHY did you cross your legs in the chair next to me, during a 3 hour lecture, hippy dude? With your feet sticking out, dirty-soles towards those seated left and right of you... WHY? I didn’t need to see your toes encrusted with all manner of “Mother Earth’s blessings”. I didn’t need to see the calluses on your feet, so thick that there was dirt caught in the crags...).
You’re a vegan. That’s fine (I won’t even point out that the only reason our brains are the size that they are is that our ancestors went over to a carcass and muttered to themselves in pre-language “mmm... looks good”. Animal meat = high source of fatty energy. High source of fatty energy + fire = more food for brain development. More food for brain development = animals that can do calculus) (not this animal, however) (ook).
You’re gentle on the environment.
But, please. You’re not gentle on the rest of us bi-pedal mammals... not on our eyes, not on our ears (you’re tone deaf, you do know that right?) and most importantly of all... not on our noses. Respect this bi-pedal critter... Take a bath. Or hell, it’s been raining lately, go stand out in it, with your feet in a puddle, and splash around a bit. Get naked and embrace the showers of Mother Sky. Spray yourself with some sandalwood oil and try, at least, to pick the bits of leaf debris and dead bugs (I saw one, he didn’t look too happy) out of your dreadlocks (dreads on a white dude. Need I comment?)
So hippy dude, while it’s cool that you’re full of fire and passion about everything on this great oasis in a seemingly endless sea of oblivion...
Pay attention to the little bits of it. Like your toes. And your beard (well I suppose it’s a beard, it could be a dead hamster that got stuck to your chin).
Go swim in a lake, I’m sure all the bits that would float off of you would like to be re-united with Mother Earth. They miss their home.
Oh, and brush your teeth. That twig thing you chew on all the time looks disgusting. Stop sticking it behind your ear.
The shiny bits haunt my brain..