Originally Posted: 2005-08-04 4:55pm
Why I shouldn't like you (but do anyway)...
I seem to be drawn to the type of guy destined to break my heart. I've thought long and hard about why this might be, and here's what I came up with:
20 REASONS WHY I SHOULDN'T LIKE YOU...AND WHY I LIKE YOU ANYWAY
1. You pee on houseplants. In fact, you pee on a great many places that are not the toilet and do so with a complete and total lack of modesty.
...At least you are mostly house-trained, as you do not usually pee on carpets, or in bed.
2. When you are trying to put on a fun party, you believe it is always a good idea to spice things up by starting a game of strip-foozball and gifting the partygoers with the *vision* that is your nakedness.
...This makes most other girls at the party disinclined to flirt with you, thus minimizing my competition.
3. You make spur-of-the-moment decisions to commit pranks of questionable legal and moral integrity.
...Spontaneity adds excitement to life.
4. Ex-girlfriends and other such women call you with implied or expressed offers to perform/receive sexual favors.
...Yes, but who are you in bed with when they call? Ha-ha, bi*ches!
5. Women are constantly vying for your attention.
...At the end of the day, you are going home with me. I repeat: ha-ha, bi*ches!
6. Women are constantly vying for your attention (this happens a lot, hence the repetition).
...You will do anything for a deserving woman. Females instinctively sense this. I can’t fault them for recognizing my good fortune.
7. You get really drunk, quite often.
...I get laid. Plus, in your inebriated state you can go for hours.
8. Really drunk.
...I can ply you with questions about all the things you won’t tell me sober.
9. Really, really, drunk.
...Well, it's better than other things you could choose to use as an emotional salve for your past transgressions.
10. You warn me in advance that you are an a**hole, thinking this excuses you from asinine behavior since it is my own fault if I hang out with an admitted a**hole.
...You don’t try to hide who you are.
11. If I look fat in something, you will tell me.
..But if I look gorgeous, you will also tell me. And I can believe you, since you feel no societal obligation to pander to my ego.
12. You unashamedly tell me stories of past incidences involving gross bodily functions.
...I work very hard to forget these stories. Ignorance is bliss.
13. You are a conceited, egomaniacal, sex god.
...You are multitalented, attractive, and fantastic in bed.
14. You would never vote for a woman president.
...If I wanted to be president, you wouldn’t try and stop me (though you still wouldn’t vote for me).
15. You are a “connoisseur of women”.
...How do I not benefit from your many years of practice?
16. You dislike commitments and similar obligations.
...But your very dislike indicates that you take them seriously, and once made, you will never renege on your commitment.
17. You have some amazingly misguided thought processes.
...You are an original thinker.
18. You must be in control of all things at all times.
...Said control being demonstrated with blatant displays of chivalry.
19. You have an innate and unusual talent for making women cry.
...Sometimes I like to cry, and have a hard time doing so without inspiration.
20. You talk about all the elaborate, amazing, romantic things that you have done for other girls, but have yet to attempt such romance towards me.
...You are just biding your time for the perfect moment, right? Right?
My MC: All the nice young men out there.