Originally Posted: 2005-08-01 11:21am


Greetings all you Fancy Folks! I am your friendly neighborhood Kirkland buckaroo and I just want to send some neighborhood cheer! I spread magic sprinkles hither and yon to brighten your day!

Oh, your Hummer needn’t look so stupid! The yellow paint makes it look like a great big banana. And honestly! Do you really think you can get away with just FIVE wakeboards mounted to the rollbar of your X-30? It throws it completely off-balance! Would some magic sprinkles help?

A sunny morning run along the waterfront, and why you look so glum? I say hello and you barely grunt? You stare at the sidewalk, is it that pretty? I’m sorry the funeral this morning didn't go as planned. Perhaps the funeral you’re running to right now will be better. In fact, here are some magical sprinkles!

Isn’t it nice living in downtown Kirkland? Sure! That cute little bungalow tucked among new McMansions! Oh, the property value just rises every day and makes you feel xtra special. Here are some magic sprinkles so you’ll get off your ass and trim away the weeds and pricker-bushes to expose some cement on the sidewalk so us magical citizens can use it.

How was the scene last night? Get any action? By the looks of you out on your balcony at 8AM, lighting a Pall Mall, empty Foster bottles on the railing, red hungover face – I’ll bet you got some lower-back-tattoo in your bed right now. Congrats! Sorry you spent $200 last night impressing the ladies with bottles of watermelon Smirnoff Ice. And I see you’re still wearing your club-wear! How nice! That large collar of your fancy dancer shirt shimmers like my magic sprinkles!

Ahhhhh...halfway into a nice 5 miler on a Sunday morning. This is the life...

..oh Joy! Church members are congregating in a parking lot! Certainly the People Of Our Lord must be looking forward to some fellowship. I just want to greet them in a magical way. OK, so here goes….“hi!” oh? Please don’t give me that look! Sorry to startle you! No, I don’t want to murder your family! Honest! It really is OK to reply with a “hi” to a stranger. Here are some magical sprinkles. Take some to share at the pot-luck!

Love your new shiny convertible Benz. Must make you feel like you are 40 again, as you hock that loogey. I so much enjoy the thought of running my green tights over your slicked-back greasy dye-job-hair. You pull out of your condo complex and drive 100 feet to park in front of Tully’s. My goodness, how far that would be to walk! Care for another cigareeette? Or how about some magic sprinkles?

I run past you on Saturday, I run past you on Sunday. I run past you on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday while you sit 23-deep at the traffic light on your way to the office. Your blank stare, your window cracked, 13 single-occupied cars in front of you, 9 single-occupant cars behind you. Ah! The travesty of it all! I sprinkle magic sprinkles your way!

post id: 88269842

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