Originally Posted: 2003-02-17 2:19pm
Nice guy seeks tolerant woman (under 35)
I smoke. I do drugs. I drink. I have more infidelities than Clinton. I'm more fiscally irresponsible than Bush. I'm more absentminded than Reagan. I'm a bitch in the morning. I'm a nuisance at night. I brag about my shortcomings. I deny my talents. I'm paranoid. I'm insecure. I'm neurotic. I'm vulgar for the fun of it. I dish it out, but I can't take it. I won't try new things and I'll accuse you of the same. I'm still not over my last relationship. I'll fall in and out of love too quickly. I'll dislike your friends for what I'll assume you'll tell them. I'll hate your family for what they did to you. I'll want to sleep with your sister (but I probably won't). I despise children. I'll harbor a secret jealousy towards every man you ever meet (but I'll never show it, and THAT'S the maddening part). I'll coax you into trying things you don't want to do. I'll disappear for days without calling. I'll make promises I never intend to keep. I'll lie about where I was last night. I'll hint that maybe I'm gay. I'll take on strange obsessions then, months later, deny that I ever much cared. I'll expect sympathy, but never offer any. I'll frustrate you by never living up to my potential. I'll overexaggerate my potential. I'll scorn your ambition. I'll go out with friends and "forget" to invite you. I'll make inappropriate comments to your co-workers. I'll expect things that you can't possibly provide. I'll spoil myself, then tell you I'm broke. I'll hate your pets. I'll laugh at your heroes. I'll go out of my way to prove that you're wrong, then act like it's no big deal when I am.
Unfortunately for you, ladies, all in all I'm really not a bad catch.