Originally Posted: 2005-05-17 6:02am
Feeding Frenzy at the Old Country Buffet
With salad in hand, I walked back to my table, and there you were. A shining symbol in a sea of expanding waistlines and greasy fried chicken. You ambled in front of me, precariously balancing a hefty plate of food on your walker.
We had eye contact, I am sure of it. You may have cataracts, but I saw a twinkle in your eye. Your smile, with or without your teeth, blew me away. I almost lost my appetite as I gazed upon your wonder.
As I made my way to the meatloaf tray, I was in a daze. My hand slowly made its way to the serving spoon, and as I grasped it, your angelic voice rang in my ears "Out of the way fat boy, I was in line!"
Already we have pet names for each other.
The giant heap of mashed potatoes and meatloaf on your plate, you turn, and as you walk away, I can see the bounce in your step as your Depends covered sweet ass lulls and teases me.
A woman with an appetite is a secret fantasy for most men, and you are not letting me down. As you lovingly pour butter and cheese sauce over your baked halibut, I suddenly realize that we are soulmates. Yes, I said it, and I know it to be true.
One wonders why our God is so cruel. My soulmate has appeared before me, bloated and messy from the feast she has partaken, and alas, God has taken her away from me. The paramedics try to revive you for 10 minutes, but as they attempt to give you mouth to mouth, mashed potatoes erupt from you like a volcano. I can not accurately describe the beauty.
I shall never love again..........perhaps I should try the China Star Buffet.