Dorky, tubby, non-kosher corporate-type seeks angry girl
Me: hefty, geeky, upwardly mobile professional/raging sellout with penchant for cleanliness and fiscal responsibility. Enjoy passive-aggressively making fun of innocent strangers. Non-smoker/very light drinker. Mostly desexualized and lack any kind of masculinity. Intelligent, but missing large blocks of common sense. Not outdoorsy. Not terribly interested in hobbies beyond crossword puzzles (I can usually finish them, but I cheat once in a while). I'm a clumsy, incompetent, inexperienced lover. Not overly charming, but mom says I'm handsome.
You: also enjoy passive-aggressively making fun of innocent strangers. Age isn't important - less than 30ish, I guess. Prefer a similar professional with similar crappy working hours and not overly laden with a bunch of fun, fulfilling, interesting hobbies or activities (maybe crossword puzzles and tv?). Big bonus if you have lots of residual anger from a lot of different areas of your life (if you want to beat the crap out of me once in a while, we can talk). Have a lot of things that piss you off (pet peeves about spelling and grammar are really sexy), and enjoy sharing/bitching about those things with the special someone you either care about or completely hate (but stick around because you pity him). I just hope I can be that lucky someone.