Boxes - Premium quality. Beautiful.
A large flat box that a futon came in. I'd like to get a television (25" or larger, plasma if you have it) with a multi-region DVD player.
A smaller, flattish box that an iRobot Roomba Intelligent Floor Vac came in. I'd like to get a laptop (preferably 1.0 GHz or better, 256MB RAM, DVD/CD-RW, WiFi, etc.). If you are thinking about trading me an iBook or Powerbook, you better give me a two button mouse with it. The one-button things scare the crap out of me. It's like a neutered dog or something.
A box that a KitchenAid 5-Speed Ultra Power Blender (Model KSB5) came in. For this I'd like a meaningful intimate relationship. I'm partial to females, I guess, but guys are all right, too. Really, I'm just looking for someone that my mom would be comfortable with the idea of me spending my life with. But it wouldn't hurt if you were smokin' hot, either.
A small box that a video game came in. I'd like a motorcycle or a motorscooter. The scooter option needs to come with a scarf or something that makes me look dashing while I'm riding it.
A box that some shoes came in. I'd like $4,000 for this one. Cash or check, but I'll have to let personal checks clear.
A pair of boxes that some clothes came in. I'd like to be one of the popular kids.
A box that 9 Duraflame logs came in. I'd like you to corroborate on lies for me. When I say that I missed an engagement because I had to be somewhere else, you must back me up. This could mean that we were donating our time to orphans or an animal shelter or helping out an old lady with her garden or something like that. Something really noble and selfless.
A sort of large box with some packing peanuts in it that a video game system arrived in. I'd like the power to be invisible, fly, X-ray vision or some power that makes it so I can use food whenever I want, not just before the expiration date.
A pair of boxes that some books came in. I'd like something similar to MTV's Spring Break Beach House, especially if it comes stocked with young, libidinous people who gyrate on command.
Also, I have some really nice shopping bags I might be willing to trade.