Originally Posted: 2006-04-24 2:02am

Crap-stravaganza (score up to 7 free craps!)

Come and get it: 3636 Evanston Ave N

I'm moving next week and have managed to alienate every one of my truck owning friends except for one kind soul with a crappy toyota four-runner on it's last legs. For fear of crushing his vehicle with the weight of my accumulated crap (of questionable monetary value) I've decided the best course of action would be to give it all away. The crap will be listed by order of crapiness from the least to the most crappy. If there is any man/woman with the fortitude, will, and tenacity to take all 7 craps I will throw in $10 to cover the skyrocketing price of gasoline in our fair city. Now without further ado let me introduce the craps:

Crap #1 - GONE crap-index: 0 craps (this is not crap)
This fine dresser was inherited by me when an old roommate moved out and graciously left this behind. I've been told it was built by her step-father who is quite handy with tools and wood. This dresser is very well constructed, all the drawers work smoothly, but has minor cosmetic damage (a few dings and such). This has been used exclusively to hold clothing, it has never held: meat or meat byproducts, guns or ammunition, dangerous chemicals, fireworks (illegal or otherwise), animals, shoes, alcohol, or legal documents, although those are all legitamate uses once this baby is yours.

Crap #2 - Computer Monitor, Working
Crap-index: 1.5 craps (because who uses crt's anymore?)

Once again a roommate has left me with a crap to take care of. This is a fully functioning monitor, it's about the size of the one I'm using right now, and would be excellent for viewing movies you have downloaded illegally. This was a roommates monitor so I cannot verify the amount of porn this monitor may have been used to view, but he did spend a lot of time in his room, and wasn't very popular with the ladies. He purchased this crap used 3 months ago.

Crap #3 - Metal Futon Frame w/ all the hardware (size: full)
Crap-index: 2 craps

I'm sorry to say I slept on this bad-boy with a regular type matress on it for more than 3 years. It has never spent more than 2 minutes in the "couch" position. Sturdy metal construction, it makes a slight squeaking noise if you do any agressive bed making or other such things. This is the frame only, it does not have a matress of any kind. If you are over 25 years old and you are planning on using this as your main bed I can not in good conscience give you this crap.

Crap #4 - Shelf Thingy (other crap not included)
Crap-index: 3 craps

I believe this was part of a desk that is no longer with us. Left by the previous tennants, I've been using this to pile my crap on and it works quite superb for that purpose. There is a 2 inch round piece torn on one of the sides that looks a little crappy so this wouldn't be the best thing to display your good china, but if you are looking for a place to store some paint buckets or books or other various crap this would probably work well. If you paint it, it would be as good as new, with the bonus of the intoxicating paint fumes!!

Crap #5 Kitchen Table and 4 Chairs
Crap-index: 3 craps

your standard table and chairs setup. These are flimsy as crap, but the table does table-like things very well and the chairs have yet to break completely, but have a few holes in the fabric and cracks on the legs. I'm sure at one point this table had at least 75 pounds of mail sitting on it with no problems. This is where we really start to get into the heart of the crap. I'm unsure of it's dining potential as no one I know has ever actually eatten at this table.

Crap #6 Couch
crap-index: 3.5 craps

Here's the scenerio, you're just out of college, you're moving out of your place and you don't know how to get rid of the crapy furniture you have accumulated the past 4 years of your life, what do you do? Leave it for the guy who's moving in after you silly! That's right this fantastic couch was graciously left for me by the last tenants of this place and now is lookng for a new home. It looks crap, but is very comfy, has normal couch wear and tear, no big stains that I can think of and it comes with the original matching pillows. This couch may or may not have been infused with magical powers by D&D playing college students.

Crap #7 My Desk
crap-index: 4 craps

I would have cleaned this off for the picture, but I had to use that box of wires in the upper right to make this post. I'm not here to debate whether or not I'm a slob, I already know that, I'm here to get you some fine crap. This is a pretty sturdy desk I have been using for I don't know how long now. The drawers have long since disintegrated, but I find the hole were they used to be makes a nice place to put my speakers. the keyboard slide thing still works and the side legs are made of some sort of non-precious metal. If you don't like being awesome, this crap is not for you.

-crap is avaliable begining monday evening
-e-mail me if you want the crap
-if you want the crap you have to come get the crap
-no giving me back the crap (I don't want this crap)
-I'll help you lift and carry the crap
-don't give me any crap about the crap (it's free crap)
-this crap comes as is with no warranties
-always accept crap responsibly

Car Salesman Pitch:
What's it gonna take to get you into this crap today? Guy called me up not 20 minutes ago asking about this crap. He asked me to hold it for him. In fact he's on his way down here right now to pick this crap up. But I like you, you seem like a smart, honest person and I think it would be a shame to let you walk out of here without this crap. Why don't we mosey on over to the office, crunch a few numbers and, heck, you could leave here today with 7 new craps. Imagine the feeling when you take this new crap home, the freedom, the wind in your hair, your increased self-confidence, with you and this crap the sky's the limit.

  • this is in or around fremont
  • no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

post id: 154004569

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