Missed connection with My Perfect Geek - w4m
You, the ridiculously tall geeky guy who so often rides my bus. You know who you are. You get on in Ravenna, right by that cute Beyond the Garden Gate store, and you get off at the stop closer to the park. (Everyone stalks bus patrons when their iPod -or in my case, Discman- runs out of batteries; don't get all freaked out on me just yet, keep reading). I can tell you're what I'm looking for. Oh, and to clarify, I don't really mean in a boyfriend (we'll get to that). See, I've been trying to find someone to help me out with a geeky computer project, namely fixing my website, but no luck so far from both of the stupid CL ads I posted. But I just KNOW your geek skillz would do the trick - you obviously spend more time with that laptop you carry like a newborn baby than you do interacting with the non-cyber world. I so know you're the perfect geek for my website project, I just know it.
And oh, dear Geek Boy, you're My Perfect Geek for other projects as well. See, I know it's fine to dress geeky in the programmer/IT world, but man, it doesn't hurt to know how to look good for us real-life folks, especially the ladies. And judging by your glaring-white Avia leather sneakers; your pleated-tapered-AND-cuffed khakis (that's not a good thing, dude); your braided leather belt; your dorky middle-school type glasses frames; your slicked-back creepy dracula-esque mullety hair; and that sort of dissociated slack-jawed look you get when walking down the big bus aisle to the spot at the back where your laptop is safest - you could use a hand from a girl, trust me. Or Queer Eye, which you clearly never watch or you wouldn't wear that belt.
And the killer thing is, with the right makeover, you'd actually be kind of hot. I mean, you'd have to stop slouching so much, and the jaw thing would require some real discipline too, and I understand that I'll never be able to convince you to trade in your Swiss Army Victorinox hardcore laptop case, and that new eyeglasses frames are expensive and that programmer contracts often don't provide vision benefits - but come on man, there's plenty more to work with. You've actually got really nice bone structure - and a full head of hair, unless the greasy-slickback is your young and hip version of a combover - and you're tall to boot, which everyone who reads CL knows women love.
I could so totally get you laid, Geek Boy. You'd be PERFECT. And hell, I might even consider dating you myself, espeically since I'm a pretty tall gall and it's majorly hard to find tall-enough guys in this world - except that after I'm done transforming you you'd probably have understandably massive control and self-esteem issues as far as how I related to your appearance, and I'd probably be over-controlling and try to make over things that I'd normally let slide or not even care about, and it'd probably blow up in this big awful disgusting fight - either that or you'd just start acting out in subtle ways to escape my Fashion Police efforts, like going back to wearing the shoes and growing your hair out all skanky again, and then I'd stop being attracted to you and stop putting out, shallow as that may sound, but come on, the shoes and the hair just really are that bad, and we'd just subtly dig at each other until we'd both made each other completely miserable, so then it'd be bound to end badly no matter what, but trust me, I can totally hook you up with some other girl(s) once you're all hot, or at least arm you with the looks and confidence to go get 'em yourself.
But first you have to fix my website, and then you gotta lose the shoes, man. Seriously.