Originally Posted: 2006-01-24 11:59am
Why guys don't write back???
As a public service, thought'd it'd be nice to list some reasons why I will not write back. This may or may not be true for others.
1) You reveal that your divorce is not final, or are still "separated". No one wants to be with someone who hasn't gotten their affairs in order (no pun intended).
2) You reveal that you just got out of a major relationship in the past two months. Women (and men) who are on the rebound are unrelaible emotionally, and are a flight risk (e.g. I really like you, now please get out of my life).
3) You say you are HWP, but you picture indicates you are overweight. This is an honesty issue, like with men and height or income.
4) You inquire who else I'm "dating". It is likely that I am going on a first, second, and even a third date with people, especially since the first date on CL is equal to the first pre-date encounter other times in real life. Do you really want that information? There is no correct answer to this question (no means I'm not desireable, yes means I'm a man-slut or a player). Don't ask me such invasive questions. I may have had wild monkey sex with my third date last night, but I still went out with you. It might be because no man in his right mind will turn down sex, but will keep looking for the "one" even if that sex was damn good. While in most people's book, sex constitutes a form of physical monogamy, all bets are off on dating until being exclusive is discussed or its desire expressed.
5) You say that you are "direct" with people and that is a way of being honest, and that some people have a problem with that. What this says to me is that you have no grace or tact when talking about things, are hyper critical, and say inappropriate things. I don't need any of that. The deal here is respect, and getting to know me before you are entitled to talk about my personality flaws.
6) My entire INBOX got deletaed by mistake. It has happened.
7) Too many replies. It happens to the men too. A man spends as much time fielding 5-6 replies as a women with 50 replies. The weeding out process for men usually involves dating all of them ASAP, because each of them has 50 other guys lined ready to go out with them.
8) You say something that makes my "potential sperm donor" meter go into the red. I know there are asshole men, and there are asshole women. Some women will marry for kids first and love second. That is a fear amongst men. When this comes out, it's splitsville.
9) Excessive reference to all the men you have dated and moved on from in the last 6 months. Sure, it might be true, but I don't want to hear how you axed you second or third dates because of a very minor thing (and drug usage, excessive drinking, criminal records are not minor). I don't wish to be a statistic. I don't want to hear about your serial promiscuity for the past 5 years (I don't have a problem with it; I just don't want to hear about it) . You haven't said that I'm any different than anyone else, so why would I think I was different or special to you?.
10) Excessive cancellations. Nothing screams a) can't express wants, b) dating multiple men already, or c) not interested, then cancellations and refusals to commit to a time and place. I don't have time for that.
11) Neutral or no reciprocation of compliments. Relationships are a mutual thing, not ego stroking. If you want anonymous admiration, be an actor or rock star.
12) You've told me something deep and personal that also is a deal breaker in most people's books. You are intelligent and beautiful, but you revealed a major thing that can only be gotten around by becoming very good friends first. Included on the list (and this does not mean that all of these things are bad things): Herpes II positive, you spend all of your free time caring for disabled parents and don't have a lot of time to be in a relationship, you are in therapy, etc. Lets get to know each other a little bit, before dropping such heaviy shit on me. Maybe I will meet you and see how cool you are, be a part of your life as a friend, and then we see what happens from there. Dating from the get-go isn't gonna happen.
13) Some shit came up in my own life and dating had to take a back seat for a minute. We're talking death in the family, car accident, best freind in the hospital, me in the hospital, etc.
14) Computer took a shit before I could get your number on paper.
15) You pry too much into my family history or relationship history early on. This is information that is voluntarily revealed in the early stages, and talked about within a trustful setting later on. If I am damaged you will know soon enough. I don't tell my "shit" to strangers, just like you don't have sex with strangers. I don't want to be judged when it is obviously too early to spend the hour to give the full explanation. And there are mistakes I made that I am sorry for that I'm not going to talk about right now.
Sometimes, to write back and say "I don't feel we have potential" opens the door for you to then insist on me telling you why, and I am doing you a favor by not telling you. You have to figure it out on your own, and are less likely to do so if I tell you. After all, I'm just some guy on CL; what the hell do I know, anyway?
post id: 128113322
email to friend
best of [?]