best of craigslist > seattle > The golden slouch couch
Originally Posted: 2006-01-11 12:52am

The golden slouch couch

The Golden slouch couch is an antique peice of furniture fashioned around 1976. It would accentuate a fine shag carpet well. A family heirloom, it has been passed down from countless siblings. Many stories are buried in the tightly wound fabric found in this 1970's relic....

- There was the time my roomate asked our friend if the girl he made out with on this couch was "hot"... "Well, she's not ugly," replied our friend. It was not until many years later that Roomate truly understood this interpretation.

- There was the time I, myself, was attempting to "score" on said slouch couch and my girlfriend at the time asked me to bet "a $100 of wine that you will get rid of this couch in your lifetime." This was, of course, after I had claimed I would own this esteemed couch posthumously. I said yes knowing this would lead to a mutual understanding that we both would be around to enjoy the fruits (or dried fruits) of this bet years to come. No fear of commitment here, trust me baby...

- Or how about the time my roomate and I began watching "Days of Our Lives" in the Dorms in the hopes that the opposite sex may wander towards our dorm room. Of course they did, and of course Marlena ended up realizing that she was not actually possesed by the devil but was really being manipulated by Stefano Dimera. Damn Stefano, the Pheonix will fall one of these days...

- Or how about the time my relative owned the couch and his best friend, heretofore Friend A, called "Golden Chair" on his end of the couch, thus reserving his seat for the next 15 minutes. Unbeknowst to him, Friend A's second (soon to be last) best friend, heretofore Friend B, locked the door as he left, in an attempt to steal his seat. Upon returning to the the locked door Friend A vehemently rattled the door until the door sprung open at around 14 minutes and 54 second after he had left. Friend B then sat firmly in his seat as Friend A dove onto Friend B's lap around 14:59, or 15:00 minutes depending on your point of view. 2 hours later, after Friend A's lap got to know Friend B's buttox very well, my relative decided to go "shoot some hoops", upon which Friend A and B both joined in, thus giving up their Golden Chair privileges.

- Or how about the time an infamous Frontman of a (relatively) famous Seattle band recounted the time, as he sat on the Golden Slouch Couch, that he was working at a King Kong sized company (a local industry leader) and needed some relief from work. He felt the need to relieve himself of some "stress" on the job. Thus, he proceeded to the handicapped stall where he began to relieve himself of his on the job (and off the job) stress. Just when he was about to be "relieved", a weelchair came rolling up to his stall. Our hero stopped tugging on his relief mechanism as the wheelchair tugged on the door. The wheelchair rolled off, assuming the stall was "busy" as our hero finished the job.

- Or how about the time the present owner of said "Golden Slouch Couch" wrote such an idolized account of a relatively unassuming couch, to sell on Craigslist... while crying... while sitting in said couch... while drunk....

What can I say: parting is such sweet sorrow. Please take this infamous couch and give it a good home.

And now, I must be off to search for a nice bottle of wine for my wife...

post id: 124373452

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