It's big, heavy, and ugly. You can't kill it; you can't even frighten it. It's 6X3X3 feet tall, with two tiers and three drawers that work. It's sheet metal and angle iron, welded together with testosterone.

Run a monster truck over it. Tape explosives to it. Launch it a quarter mile with a (big) trebuchet. Play the Anvil Chorus on it with sledgehammers for an hour. It will mock you.

I'm a beaten man. Just get it out of my garage. Bring your friends

• Location: Woodmont
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