Originally Posted: 2005-11-05 5:05pm

#1 or #2?

To the silver-haired queen who lives next door to me,

Having lived in Queen Anne for a few years, my dog has established a certain ritual to her mornings. It’s a pee in the rocks first, then a long walk before she drops the deuce. At which point, being the responsible pet owner that I am, I tag it and bag it. A couple years ago I was out walking my dog for her morning constitutional when we met. You spied the two of us from your window. When you saw her squat down to relieve herself and that action was not followed by me immediately bending down to pick anything up, being the good citizen you were, you decided to open your window to yell, “You should be ashamed!!"

You were four floors up. From four stories up, a female dog taking a leak could easily look like she was taking a dump. I tried explaining that, but you kept with your yelling until finally, out of ideas, I suggested that you’d be better off closing the window and shutting the hell up. It was early, I was tired, and being a nervous guy around women, I couldn’t think of anything else to say.

That was two years ago and I never saw you again. You lived in a retirement home and it was always sad to see a fire engine pull up and paramedics rush in, only to walk out slowly twenty minutes later. I figured you had moved on to the place where all responsible retirees go when they themselves are tagged and bagged. Then one fine early morning last week, I was out walking my dog again. First to the rocks…where I heard that unmistakable growl and war cry, “You should be ashamed!” Surprised and elated, I looked up hoping to see your grey head and tightened fist waving around in righteous indignation. You didn’t disappoint. We went back and forth, our old dance renewed. You made some good points (I saw her poop!!!) and I think my retorts were also strong (most bitches squat when they pee!), but really I was just happy to see you again. So when I shared my surprise that you were still alive and suggested that you should get back to your television before you missed something good, I meant it in a really good way.

Cup of coffee sometime?

post id: 109152735

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