Originally Posted: 2005-05-25 11:02am
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Potential Girlfriend: Please Apply Here
I'll start by listing a few things about me that are ambiguous enough
that I could be a decent match with 85% of the craigslist female
population. To maximize responses I will exaggerate my strengths and
fail to mention any weaknesses. Hopefully this will generate enough
replies so that I can be mildly entertained at work while continuing
my quest for a potential mate.
After my own personal enjoyment of your attempts to win me over, I
will forward those I deem worthy to my friends for their approval.
Once you pass the friend test I will begin my own calculated
responses, bending truths and possibly lying to make myself appear as
the greatest catch in San Diego (I actually am though).
If we've made it this far there is a good chance I am very interested
in meeting you. We will exchange emails for a couple of days and
a) You will suddenly disappear off the planet. My hopes and ego will
be crushed, my fear of rejection will once again surface, and I will
go into a state of moderate depression until I get the nerve to post
another craigslist ad.
b) We meet! Except you are 200 pounds heavier than what your picture
looks like. Don't you know that the ability to manufacture lies about
personal appearance or personality is reserved only for the original
c) We meet! You look good and you have a great personality! Except
I forgot that I exaggerated everything about me, and the pictures I
sent you were chosen specifically for that purpose. After a few
akward hours of hanging out I will never hear from you again.
Unfortunately for me, all of these scenarios end up in masturbation.
Yet still I post, hoping that one day I can discover the elusive 4th
scenario, the one I was searching for the entire time. A future
Oh right, I nearly forgot. I'm 23. I'm 6'2" and thin. I'm wickedly
funny, extremely sarcastic. I have a great job. I like the beach. I enjoy listening to music. Attached is a picture of a very fat cat.