How to tell your friend his cat's dead
My friend was watching a mutual friend's cat while he was on vacation. Before he left, he warned that the cat was old (21 years old), and not doing so hot. He suspected that he was ready to die. Sure enough, the cat died on the last day of vacation. My friend asked me how he should tell him. I gave him these options to break the news.
1) "i've got good news and i've got bad news. bad news is, your cat's dead. the good news is that i saved a lot on my car insurance."
2) "hey, you're out of milk, the chips are stale, your cats dead, and the light bulb in the bathroom needs to be changed."
3) (when they walk into the apartment) *sniff* *sniff* "you smell dead cat??"
4) Leave a suicide note next to the cat with a finished bag of catnip mentioning how boring the sitter was.
5) "Are you still interested in those taxidermy classes?"
6) Get rid of the cat, draw a chalk out line, put up police tape all over the place, and act stupid.
7) "Will everyone with a live cat please step forward.....not so fast buddy."
8) "you have a couple messages: your mom called, she wants you to call her back; your landlord said the rent is late; your cat said 'bye'."
9) (when he picks him up from the airport)
sitter: Let's play a game....Dead or human?
owner: huh? ok.
sitter: you ?
sitter: me ?
sitter: your cat?
owner: huh ?!?!?
10) owner: thanks for watching the place. where are my keys ?
sitter: oh, they're under your dead cat.