Our relationship will end in a death match
I'm interested in meeting someone for coffee or a drink to see if we connect. If and when we make it to the third date, we will spend that date writing various suicide notes so that the eventual winner won't have to spend time in jail. I'm thinking something like, "I, (your name here) find myself so despondent over the loss of my relationship with (my name here), that I have decided to end it all by hitting myself in the face with a croquet mallet 30 or 40 times. No autopsy, please."
About me: I'm 31, SWF, 5'7", 140 lbs. Ex-Navy Seal, highly skilled in the ancient art of Aikido, and able to use any household object as a deadly weapon. Hobbies include watching movies, going to the beach and performing assassinations for the CIA in my spare time.
About you: 24-36, 98 lb weakling. Non-athletic, must get exhausted rising from couch. Smokers preferred (unfiltered, two-pack a day minimum).