It all started when I was looking for a place to live. Someone told me about your site and I checked it out.
After I moved (great apartment btw...thanks) I was looking for a job and remembered your site. WHOAH! What's a job hunt, are you trying to tell me I can read dirty emails and post some taboo fantasies and do it anonymously!?
Needless to say the next couple days I didn't really do much other than masturbate and eat while still unemployed.
Where am I going with this. Oh, I know...
Craig: lets live together.
I'm sure you have much faster internet access than I do, it's embarassing that I have dial up. But you already knew that I guess because you can probably get that information from your super-hi-tech computer room that's in the basement. I'm sure this room is really silver, with a bunch of blinking green buttons and a big ass screen that talks to you in some 80's movie computer voice.
I picture you to be super good looking, but in a cute nerdy hippie way. You have scruffy hair and wear glasses. You only wear your Birks and your shorts that are a little TOO short but that's okay because your skinny legs are so cute and white.
Our sex life would be very exciting, your head will spin. I'm flexible. I'm down with hooking up with chics too. I mean, I've never done it before (I have to tell you this, even though I do have some skeletons you shouldn't know about them) but I would if it made you happy. But no transvestites. I hope that's ok.
We can also call each other fucktards alot.
Craig, I hope you don't have a dumb ho wife. I will seriously kick her ass and make you mine psycho-style. Don't make me do it, just leave her ass and kick her out before I move in so things don't get messy and uncomfortable.
I'll bet you have a yellow lab. We can go to the beach and play fetch with him, and I will wear a white flowy dress that blows in the wind. I will put flowers in my hair and skip along the water.
I will also give you head.
Please don't let the dog watch though, that creeps me out when they do that. OK he can watch. So can all your friends. I like that shit, Craig.
When I move in with you, I'll have you know I don't eat meat. Neither do you, of course, but that was my cute way of telling you that I, too, am a vegetarian.
Craig, your mom and I will get along famously. She LOVES to talk on the phone about gossipy family stuff, and this will be a great way to get to know everyone. When I meet them, I will smile and act as if I don't know your aunt's/uncle's dirt, but I do, therefore I feel as if I'm better than him or her and there is less nervousness about acceptance.
On our wedding day, we will get really drunk, and sing in front of everyone. I know we have bad voices hun, but it's ok because we're drunk, and we're fucktards, and god dammit your uncle smokes pole anyway so who cares.
Look, I have a little brother that is 17, and he reminds me alot of you. So eventually after he graduates High School, I would like him to live nearby. All I ask is that you two toss the baseball back and forth every now and then. It will be perfect because you both lack athleticism and will rarely catch the ball, while acting as if there is something wrong with the ball. Its just your poor motor skills, and a chess game afterwards is just what you two need.
We both love wine, and you have quite the collection. Even though I invite my friends over all the time and we drink the wine as if it ours, you don't get mad because you will catch us having a pillow fight in our undies and then we decide to have a tickle fight before we make out for you. We will also suck on lollypops whenever we can. Not too much, they always cut up the roof of your mouth.
Let me know when your ho bag wife moves out and I'll throw my stuff together and be there in two shakes. BYE CRAAAIGGGG.
this is in or around San Diego