Dear Jolly Ranchers
I just thought you should know that nobody (NOBODY) ever eats any of the blue raspberry flavored Jolly Ranchers from the candy dish on our reception counter in our office. EVER. When it's time to re-fill the candy dish, there are always those ugly nonappetizing blue raspberry fuckers all abandoned at the bottom of the dish.
I have my opinions on why this phenomenon occurs. For one, that color should not be associated with food. It was really a bad idea. That flavor just screws up the whole assorted flavors bag and I was just wondering if perhaps there is a group of blue raspberry advocates somewhere that have convinced you to continue to make these?
I have been the candy bitch here for going on two years and I am just at a loss. What do I do with all these neglected, disgusting, blue raspberry Jolly Ranchers? I almost want to send them back to you, so that you can send them on to the blue raspberry fan club. I used to gather them up sadly from the bottom of the dish and put them aside in this other cup. I don't like to be wasteful. Now I simply throw them away as soon as they come tumbling out of the bag into the candy dish.
Quite frankly, I have never even tasted one of these things. They could taste awesome! Aside from the fact that nobody has ever HEARD of a blue raspberry, I'm sure they taste quite good. I just can't bring myself to put that radioactive nuclear flourescent unnatural color into my mouth. I'm pretty sure my teeth and gums would probably be stained blue.
I think at the very least, you should consider changing the color of the blue raspberry Jolly Rancher. Maybe just eliminate the blue part altogether. By the way, what's wrong with good ole plain raspberry? Now that's a good flavor. I know you already have cherry and watermelon flavors hogging up the red category, but surely you could come up with something.
To be honest, the bright neon blue color really fucks up the feng shui of my candy dish, with its appetizing array of purple, green, red and red Jolly Ranchers, co-mingling with the ever-popular Reese's PB cups, Hershey's miniatures and Hershey's Nut Lovers miniatures. The Twix and the M&Ms hardly ever stay in the dish long enough to look pretty, but that is to be expected. Fed Ex delivery folks and office visitors of all ilk pounce on those like they are hundred dollar bills. On a completely unrelated note, perhaps it's time for me to start looking for a more exciting job.
Thank you for your time. And remember, nobody wants to eat flourescent blue candy.
- Location: The Candy Dish
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests