Originally Posted: 2005-10-25 10:18 (no longer live)
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Dear Neighbors: I HATE your Chihuahua

I hate to tell you this because as far as I'm concerned, you guys are the PERFECT NEIGHBORS.

Seriously.

I never hear a peep out of you! You're private, you keep to yourselves, yet you're both still friendly and willing to offer a wave and a smile. You never complain. You take great care of your house and yard. You guys are THE BEST! I love you. I really do.

But I really... really... really... HATE YOUR CHIHUAHUA.

Your Chihuahua barks constantly, all day long.

BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK!

I can't use (bark bark) my computer for very (bark bark) long because my office is (bark bark) on the (bark bark) same side of (bark bark) the house as (bark bark) the room in which (bark bark) you keep (bark bark) your Chihuahua, so (bark bark) the entire time (bark bark) I'm trying (bark bark) to type (bark bark) I get (bark bark) to hear (bark bark) your dog (bark bark) letting his (bark bark) displeasure (bark bark) be known (bark bark).

I can't (bark bark) turn the TV up (bark bark) loud enough (bark bark) to (bark bark) drowned out (bark bark) the noise (bark bark) because it leaves (bark bark) me with a splitting (BARK BARK!) headache and ringing ears. (bark bark)

I can't do ANYTHING in my own house without having to listen to;

BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause*
BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK!

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not an angry, anal retentive, complain-y, intolerant type of person. I have dogs too! I know how dogs can be and I understand that when you get a new dog, there's sometimes a period of adjustment.

But it's been THREE WEEKS. For the love of GOD- ADJUST ALREADY!!!

Please (bark bark) please (bark bark) please (bark bark) do something about(bark bark) your dog. (bark bark) I'm BEGGING you. (bark bark) I'm LOSING my fucking mind (bark bark) listing to it (bark bark) all day long (bark bark) for what (bark bark) seems like (bark bark) an endless (bark bark) eternal (bark bark) Hell.

I hear him when I'm making coffee, I hear him when I'm checking email, I hear him when I'm on the toilet, I hear him when I'm trying to watch tv, I hear him even if the volume is on high.

I'm starting to twitch each morning when I wake up because I know as soon as I open my bedroom door, I'll be greeted with;

BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK!

I'm grinding my teeth during the day (my dentist says I've lost some enamel) and I've developed headaches that last for hours, all thanks to your Chihuahua who I'm SURE is a lovely dog when he has all the attention that shivery, neurotic little Chihuahuas are known for needing.

It's just that you aren't there (bark bark) to give him (bark bark) the kind of attention (bark bark) necessary (bark bark) in order (bark bark) to keep (bark bark) him from developing (bark bark) obsessive (bark bark) compulsive (bark bark) barking (bark bark) syndrome (bark bark).

There's a Petsmart just down the street- please buy him some chew toys to keep him busy during the day. Hire a trainer. Get some tranquilizers from the vet. Call Dr. Dog.


Do whatever you have to do.

JUST SHUT HIM UP!

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