best of craigslist > richmond, VA > Me Cashier...You Customer!
Originally Posted: 2008-02-04 9:06pm

Me Cashier...You Customer!

Years of working with the public, I have found out...aliens do exist and they are having a hard time understanding how earth works. Maybe if you pass this around, some of them will get a chance to read it and we can all live a little easier!

1. I am a cashier....You pay me for what you buy. I do not invent, manufacture, package or research products. I am a cashier. If you want to know if it contains peanuts...read the label..it will say "contains peanuts"

2. I think it's great that you have 13 cents in your purse, under your wallet, beside your cell phone, somewhere around the 150 receipts you have wadded up in there, and one more penny somewhere inside the torn lining of your purse. Just give me the damn dollar so I can give your change back and wait on the 70 other people behind you. Having the exact change does not make you customer of the year!

3. I am not a pharmacist. I don't want to know the intimate details of your symptoms and I can not tell you if ibuprofin or acetominaphen will work best for you. Go to the damn doctor and ask him. If I was qualified to prescribe medicine do you really think I would be a cashier??

4. I am not overcharging you. I do not even know the person who owns this company. Why would I over charge you so the owner of this company can make more money???? I am not Robin hood! Do you see me wearing green tights and a curly green hat? Come see me when I own this company and work the cash register, maybe I will consider over charging you then!

5. No!!! You can't lay a dollar on the counter and run out because the person in front of you is holding up the line by digging for that penny. The year is 2007. If you buy something, it has to be scanned to put the money in the register. There are thousands of items in stores. I do not go home at night and study to memorize the prices. That is why we have modern cash registers. So we can scan items and the price just magically appears and that way, I can't cheat you out of that two cents that we discussed earlier!

6. OK..your kid is cute, but I don't want to have a conversation with a two year old. If I did, I would be at home having a conversation with my own two year old, who by the way is much cuter and much much better behaved than your offspring. Tell the Brat no and pay for your crap and get out of the way! I am trying to work here! There's 50 customers behind you who would like to get dinner home before breakfast!

7. I'm sorry that you want 12 cents off of a $10 bag of candy. The candy is not on sale. I don't care if it was on the sales rack or if you scraped it off the floor. It's not on sale. If you lay in the floor, scream, cry and wet yourself, it still will not be on sale. Use a little common sense here. If you want to yell, you can Yell at the lady with the adorable little darling who spends his afternoons running through the store moving products from shelf to shelf while mommy is asking the cashier what she needs to take for her diarrhea. Maybe she will give you 12 cents to shut up. It works for her kids.

8. I am not a psychic. You can not stare at me and point at the wall behind me while talking on the cell phone about your husband's hairy back and expect me to know what you want. Hang up the damned phone and speak, roll over, play dead, do something that makes sense! If you are that worried about your husband's hairy back, ask one of the cashiers, perhaps they can prescribe a bottle of nair, which by the way..is on sale...12 cents off!!

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