Thank you Dulcolax for ruining my Thanksgiving.
My grandmother cooks. A lot. In fact, she insists on it. She's one of those cooks that frequently sticks her finger in the food and licks it off for a taste. I'm not just talking about cake batter here. Whatever she makes, she's always taking a taste and 'the finger' is always involved. While I would never do this myself, I could deal with it. Hell, you go to a buffet or someone double dips their nacho in the guacamole and it's pretty much the same issue, right?
Wrong. About a year ago my grandmother felt the need to share her constipation issues with me. To sum it up she uses a suppository approximately once a week. She's done so for the past 10 years and gave me no indication this would cease in the future. Well, I'm going to try and spare some of the detail here but let's just say it was revealed that she doesn't use a glove. Well, 'revealed' probably isn't the right word here because she didn't see a problem with sharing this information without being asked.
I was quite perplexed as to why she didn't use a glove. Hell, I was downright astonished when I blatantly ask and she replied that she thought she never needed one. Well, ladies and gentlemen, the mystery has been solved. The other day I got my hands on one of these Dulcolax boxes. According to her classification (adult), these are the instructions:
"1 suppository once daily. Remove foil. Insert suppository well into rectum, pointed end first. Retain about 15 to 20 minutes."
As you can see, gloves are not involved. I tore the box apart. I took out a magnifying glass. I inspected both the box and the foil wrapped goodies inside. Nothing about gloves. You could at least include some fine print about how optional gloves could be used for hygienic purposes! The warnings take up about three times the amount of space as the instructions so it's not like you're trying to be stingy on the printing costs.
Thank you Dulcolax for ruining my Thanksgiving. Oh, and my Christmas, Easter, family reunion, my birthday and the birthday of several other family members every year. She always brings about 90% of the food to any family function and now, thanks to your inadequate box, I can't bring myself to eat her 'finger food.' I know what you're thinking. I've tried to hunt and peck for food someone else brought. It isn't safe. You never know... so, thank you for ruining my Thanksgiving but I'll have you know that you have also ruined your potential future sales. This constipation thing could very well be genetic and I'm starving over here so there is no need for a bowel movement on my end.
**** Just so you CL readers know, I went to the web site and sent in this complaint. I almost called them because it said:
"If you need to report an unexpected effect or side effect of Dulcolax, please call the Boehringer Ingelheim Drug Information Unit at (their number) and choose option#4 [TTY# (another number)]."
If this doesn't qualify as a side effect I don't know what does but I'm not letting them slip away claiming it's a bad connection or trying to pull a fast one and hanging up. I want to know what these people have to say for themselves for placing their product in defective packaging and the web site politely asked me how I would like to be contacted with their response.
According to the web site:
"Your request has been submitted.
Thank you, "my name", your request has been submitted.
We are preparing a response. Have a Nice day!"
FYI - gloves (even the fancy non-latex ones for those of you with allergies) can be purchased in the first aid section.
- this is in or around downtown
- no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests