Best of Craigslist

Best of Craigslist http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ Best postings from craigslist.org, selected by readers en-us Copyright 2008, craigslist.org webmaster@craigslist.org webmaster@craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ Best of Craigslist Collection 2008-02-18T15:09:31-07:00 2 daily Space Ship for Sale $3500.00 or best offer http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/578467547.html This space ship is in excellent condition! Only 300 million Intergalactic miles, 4 passenger, no meteor dents, possibly needs reactor seals and recharged flux capacitor, 1 owner. Still have the original owners manual. Does have a wobble issue at Mach 12 but clears once it hits 15 not sure what that is but I lose the GPS screen for about a minute or so. Complete with bubble glass windows! Never crashed! For sale $3500 OBO. Clear title in hand, cash sale only, no trades and I won't take payments. Once it leaves the earth, I know you are not coming back so why would I??? DUH! It needs some TLC like an alignment and new landing sensors. Stored in a secure warehouse in Phx. Must sell City of Phx pressuring me, they say it's an eye sore?? It's on my front lawn and it's burnt the grass last year when it was running, I have the re entry burners turned up to kill the termites and scorpions when landing.  <img src="578467547.1.jpg">&nbsp;&nbsp; <img src="578467547.2.jpg">&nbsp;&nbsp; <img src="578467547.3.jpg">  <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: Glendale <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-02-18T15:09:31-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/578467547.html Space Ship for Sale $3500.00 or best offer text Notes on Flirting While Bowling http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/401138691.html This is partially to the guy who joined our bowling group the other night at the AMF lanes, and partially to all men of the world, as it seems some of you need a not-so-subtle hint, and being a dude who generally had pretty good success with women before I settled down, hopefully I can help to enlighten you. You were the well-muscled guy who joined our bowling group, a friend of that guy Ted (sorry, I don't remember your name), who bowled for a bit, taking off early. I don't blame you for hitting on our friend. I get it, she's cute. But really, dude, flirting is a lot like fishing. You cast out your bait in one spot a few times, and if you don't get a nibble, you know that spot isn't working and move on. You don't keep trying. It doesn't matter how attracted you are to a girl, if she's not into you, you're wasting your time and energy, and likely just annoying her in the process. I understand your confusion to an extent. After all, if I had to judge, I'd say there are probably lots of girls who flirt with you and find you cute. You have decent features and a body you evidently put some work into. But not every girl will be into you. Some are married, some have a boyfriend, and some just don't consider you their type. Think about it--if a fat, hairy woman who looked like a bulldog was following you around, trying to get with you, would you care how much she tried? Would any amount of flirting, cajoling, or attempted bribery with dinner or drinks change your mind? Of course not. But you still didn't stop. This isn't persistence on your part, it's stupidity. It doesn't matter how many times you try. You're not going to get a no 200 times, only to have her spontaneously changer her mind on attempt number 201. If anything, your persistence serves as an annoyance, and lessens any chance you might have had. I watched you crash and burn over and over again with amusement. And keep in mind that the music was so loud that conversation was only possible very close with highly raised voices. Your body language was that obvious, as was her frustration with you. And for the record, she happens to not be into guys at all. So you have no chance there. She didn't want to say it because many people get uncomfortable with that--there are a lot of bigots and idiots out there, and Arizona is still a largely conservative state. But no matter what a girl's orientation, if she's not receptive to your flirting and isn't in to you within the first hour or so of interaction, she's not going to be. EVER. Get it through your head, dude. There are lots and lots of women out there in this world. All you have to do is look around anywhere and you'll realize how many beautiful women reside here, and many of them are pretty cool to boot. So in the future, use a little intelligence when you flirt. If you had, you might have noticed that the cute blond the next lane over was checking you out the entire night. Now, granted, who knows what kind of girl she was, and whether she would have been anything more than a quick piece of casual fun (my instincts, which are pretty good in this category, tell me no). But flirting is about interacting with someone in a fun way, and whether or not it leads to something (or whether you decide to/not to take it further) wouldn't you have rather flirted with a girl who would have flirted back, instead of just making an ass out of yourself with a girl who clearly had absolutely no interest whatsoever? Guys, take heed--if a girl doesn't flirt back, it's time to move on. Get a clue, instead of branding yourself as an annoying jerk in her (and her friend's) eyes.  <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: Phoenix <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2007-08-19T20:28:49-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/401138691.html Notes on Flirting While Bowling text driving in Phoenix http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/279575157.html HOW TO DRIVE IN PHOENIX: 1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: FEE-NICKS'. There are other names to learn such as Awatukee (Ah-wa-Too-Kee) but that will be included in the advanced course. 2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning. 3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop 101, your speed is expected to at least match the highway number. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'. 4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way. 5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. 6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot. 7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Phoenix. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting. 8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires, squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items. 9. Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and the 'I-10' are the same road. SR202 is the same road as The Red Mountain FWY. Dunlap and Olive are the same street too. Jefferson becomes Washington, but they are not the same street. SR 101 is also the Pima FWY except west of I-17, which is also The Black Canyon FWY, and The Veterans Memorial HWY. Lastly, Thunderbird Rd. becomes Cactus Rd. but, Cactus Rd. doesn't become Thunderbird Rd. because it dead ends at a mountain. 10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally activated. 11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off' accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot. 12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands.   <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: Feenicks <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2007-02-16T06:22:11-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/279575157.html driving in Phoenix text Fix my toilet and I'll love you forever **updated** http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/173293871.html Two weeks ago my children have managed to plug up the toilet somehow. I have no idea if it's just copious amounts of paper or if there is a foreign object shoved in there. Here is what I have tried: Drano (yeah, yeah, you're not supposed to put Drano in a toilet) Rid-X (doesn't work on normal toilets) Palmalive (supposed to make the clog slide away, yeah, right) The garden hose (my father's brilliant suggestion) Rubber glove on hand (no, I cannot feel anything, it must be WAY in there) I can't afford a plumber but let me just say that the toilet is turning neat shades of green now and I want to puke every time I walk by. The three year old does not understand to stop flushing! What I have: well, I do get paid in two weeks, but I'll die from gas fumes by then a fax/copier laser thingie- one year old world's oldest treadmill Anyone want to help me before the toilet grows space aliens and they attack us while we're sleeping?! **updated** To update: I have received tons of advice on how to fix my own toilet. So, I plunged: <a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e57/vanillamama3/plunge.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"></a> And then I went to Lowe's and bought the snake, which, BTW, is only $7, not fifty like everyone says. Well, that wasn't working. <br. <a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e57/vanillamama3/snake.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"></a> Against everyone's recommendations, I decided to yank my toilet up. I unscrewed it, turned off the water, and flipped it over. Poopy leftovers swam happily over my floor. <a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e57/vanillamama3/toiletfloorhole.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"></a> Here is the exit of the toilet, known as the toiletbooty, or toiletass, depending on whether my mother said it or not. This is where the poop drops into that big hole in the floor. <a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e57/vanillamama3/toiletass.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"></a> I looked up there and even managed to take a picture: <a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e57/vanillamama3/toiletasshole.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"></a> And what, you say, is THAT? Well, I know. It's a night light. It used to have fiber optic doohickeys on it but the kids pulled those off long ago. It's about four inches long and the end looks like a flower. Below is a view of the toilet from the side. That thing made it almost all the way out, and now it's wedged at the end, because there is a tight turn or lip or something. I can poke it with a screwdriver (it goes backwards, but that's definitely the wrong way) but my needlenose pliers are too short. <a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e57/vanillamama3/ubend.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"></a> Can anyone help me get this stupid thing out of my toilet?!!! Otherwise I'm going to have to buy a new one, and I've already informed my six year old that he's being sold to pay for it. **further update** A very nice man named Dave came over and rammed a rubber tube through the butt of the toilet to retrieve said night light: <a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e57/vanillamama3/offendingobject.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"></a> and now it flushes fabulously. Thanks, Dave.  <ul style="margin-left:0px; padding-left:3px; list-style:none; font-size: smaller"> <li> this is in or around Buckeye <li> no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests </ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2006-06-19T17:13:12-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/173293871.html Fix my toilet and I'll love you forever **updated** text Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/167335230.html 10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours. 9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt. 8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God. 7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees! 6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky. 5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old. 4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving." 3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity. 2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God. 1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian. <img src=167335230.jpg>   <ul style="margin-left:0px; padding-left:3px; list-style:none; font-size: smaller"> <li> no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests </ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2006-06-02T13:10:31-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/167335230.html Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian text Neighbor........ - w4m http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/128127687.html Dont think I dont notice, or hear every single girl that walks up to your apartment. Im not mad. Im jealous. Youre absolutely gorgeous. Youre about 63, clean cut, short blonde hair, and wow, I love your lips. Always shaved, great smile. You smile at me, when we cross paths (at least once a week) as we both return home from our job and/or school. From the buffet of women that consistently come and go from your apartment I have concluded you are single. From what Ive seen, you like women ranging in height from roughly 54 to 57. They tend to range in waist/pants size of a 2 to maybe 5/6 on an occasion. Breast size seems to be the defining characteristic. Some are large, some are small. Only Caucasian though. Im not trying to snoop, by any means, but to be perfectly honest, your apartment is right across from mine, and we share a creaking outdoor hallway, followed by thin walls and hollow doors. So, I can basically here every person that comes and goes. I dont mean to be too demanding as your neighbor, but you do you think you could squeeze me in for a few rounds? Im one step away from just showing up at your door with a six pack of beer and a porno. I fit your standards! Im 54, size 4, C-cup. Im a Caucasian brunette, you seem to be favoring those this past month. I dont have a boyfriend. I am really tired of living like this. I hear your door open and close, I dont always (sometimes I do) hear the events that follow. I know, also that you have this tendency to play Janes Addiction very loud (probably to drown out your latest ventures screaming orgasm). Then its followed by Bob Dylan (not as loud, but I can still hear it.) I also dont understand your preferable time. Just tell me whats good for you. Ive heard Janes Addiction and Bob Dylan at 1 am, 3 am, 4 am, and mostly all-nighters on Saturday and Sunday. Sometimes you aim for days too (on weekends) and usually right after you return from work/school. Its not annoying (the music), and to be honest, it isnt that loud from my bedroom to yours (a slight background noise actually helps me sleep), I can still hear it though. Its annoying that you arent fucking me! Can we mix it up? Maybe we can try out some Deftones? How about something older like Jimi Hendrix, live at Woodstock, followed by some Bob Dylan? Even if we cant I dont care. Just cut the smiles in the outdoor hallway, and fit me in. Ill supplement beer and food. Fuck, Ill cook you dinner and brew you beer. Im available anytime this weekend, Thursday and/or Friday after 6 pm. P.S. The girl last night, with the accent, who left your apartment and leaned (LEANED!) on the wall, took a deep breath, and then started to walk down the stairs. It was really sweet of you to chase her down a flight of stairs in your boxers and white shirt just because she left her hair barrettes or bobby pins. That was nice of you to announce, once again, that shes leaning, out of breath, and has hair that looks like it went through a blender, because you fucked her brains out, and I didnt get any. Sincerely. Neighbor Jane. webmaster@craigslist.org 2006-01-24T13:43:04-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/128127687.html Neighbor........ - w4m text A Fatal Attraction To Trouble http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/121820819.html You were the mugger/robber at Awkatukee theatres two nights ago. I was the man who robbed you in return. Did you honestly expect me to just hand over my wallet to you? Im a foot taller than you. Did you honestly expect me to be scared of your kitchen knife? I love how you peed yourself when I opened my trunk and cocked a shotgun in your face. Did you honestly expect me to let you call my girlfriend a whore? I used the money from your wallet to buy her some New Years lingerie. I threw your clothes in the dumpster behind Best Buy, across from the theatres. Are you still tied with jumper cables to the handicapped sign pole? I hope not. Thank you for the use of your credit card. You can get away with not showing identification at Safeway, Chevron, and many other places. You just saved me a fortune on alcohol for New Years, groceries for two weeks at least, and I also got a full take of gas. I also bought myself some New Years cologne from the mall, ate a sensible lunch at Subway, and my girlfriend wanted some shoes at Saks Fifth Avenue; and I renewed both our gym passes. Then, it was maxed out, and I was sad. I think it was the shoes that did that. Sorry. I sold your gold jewelry to a pawn store in Tempe, one plaza down from the 99 cent store. Same for your diamond (and it was real, to think I doubted you) stud earring. I stuffed the money from those items in the crippled childrens jar at 7/11. I think your knife might be in the street still, or the parking lot where you tried to rob me. So, Mr. Robber, the next time you try to mug a 68, 230 pound, man who grew up middle class white trash, please, think twice. My kind, doesnt like your kind. In fact we hate everything about you. Your Friend, The man who robbed a robber. webmaster@craigslist.org 2006-01-01T11:27:34-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/121820819.html A Fatal Attraction To Trouble text Old Spice and my date with The Slutwitch http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/116978024.html First of all, i'm still recovering. Mentally. After 2 cancellations, we finally met at a check cashing place on Dunlap, just west of I-17. She looked just as hot as her pic and was dressed just the way I like: wearing one of those black, see thru, tight sleeved, lingerie type of blouse with a visable black bra underneath. A SHORT Catholic School type plaid skirt except it was red not green,thigh high silk stockings and these black velvet ankle high pumps. She also had the little ankle bracelets on which are a huge turn on don't ask me why. And if that wasn't good enough she was wearing Escape. Before I go any further, let me say that the second she got in my car she was ooohing and aaahing about how much she loved my Old Spice. That shit is hipper than trucker hats and Dr. Martans combined. It ALWAYS works. Any girl who is not turned on by Old Spice is probably a dyke. I'm cringing just writing this so I'll just get to the point: The Slutwitch was beautiful, but taller than I expected and had a deep FM DJ type of voice. She kept flipping her hair every 5-10 seconds so I thought she might be tweeking. She got right down to business after pocketing the 2 Jacksons and let me tell you, she was good at it. As she was slurping away, she tried to slip me a finger, which I thought was weird. I diddn't last long and exploded just as the second Cramps song began. The whole time I was rubbing her ass and thighs, but she kept pushing my hand away whenever I got to close to her coochie. She grabbed her phone and said she had to take a call and was out of my car before I could even respond. As I watched her slink away, it hit me : My Slutwitch was a dude. Now I don't know what to think. I had an incredible time, and she WAS just about the hottest thing I'd ever seen, but I swear, I am not a homo, not now, not ever. At this point, my head is spinning, I managed to get her number, but am scared to call her again. It was incredible though. Does anyone know of a therapist who specializes in this area??? webmaster@craigslist.org 2005-12-09T11:04:14-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/116978024.html Old Spice and my date with The Slutwitch text Stories better left untold http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/89015116.html Men, there are just some stories that do not need to be repeated to your wife/girlfriend. Keep them to yourself. Go tell you buddies over a brew. Hell, put them here. Just don't tell them to your significant other. I came home from work the other night and was making the usual "how was your day" chit-chat with my husband. As I was mindlessly chopping zucchini for our dinner, he hits me with the following: "You know how Bugsy (our dog) likes to sits at my feet when I'm on the computer? Well, I was masturbating to some Internet porn, and I came all over the dog. He just laid there looking at me with cum all over his head. It was the funniest damn thing!" I stopped chopping and could only think to reply, "Did you give the dog a bath after that?" Much to my relief the answer was yes. Now I will never look at my husband or the dog the same way. I could have gone my whole life without knowing this little tale. Self-censorship - use it!! webmaster@craigslist.org 2005-08-04T16:13:32-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/89015116.html Stories better left untold text Car Buying Etiquette: the unspoken rules of the private party sale http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/70382967.html I have made some observations while in the process of selling my car and I have found that the sad majority of interested buyers are completely lacking in Car Buying Etiquette. Thus, I am posting this in the hopes of restoring some integrity and respect to this event, which, by its nature, is already lacking in these traits.... 1.) My advertisement included, depending on the site on which you found it, either my city or the distance in miles from your location. Please do not call me and then say "Oh, that's too far for me to drive." It is not my job to bring the product to YOU. You don't call Target, ask if they sell Xbox games, and then say they're too far away and would they bring them to you for you to test out? No. If I am too far away, then don't waste your time or mine by calling. 2.) My advertisement was very thorough. Among other things, it gave the year, make, model, mileage, number of doors, style of transmission, and color. Please do me the courtesy of READING the ad before you call. I put a lot of thought into making my ad informative and comprehensive because I did not want to repeat the color and mileage to every person that called. I welcome questions that are not answered in my ad but please, the basics are already posted for a reason. 3.) When a price is followed by "OBO", it means that YES, I am flexible on the price. "Must sell" generally means I'm in a hurry. Make me an offer, you might be surprised. 4.) Do not ask "What's the least you'll take for it?". Not only is this a stupid question on your part, because it shows poor negotiating skills and an inability to estimate the value of the vehicle, it would be remarkably stupid for me to answer it. Nobody is ACTUALLY going to tell you the least amount they will accept for their car. Everybody has three numbers in mind when selling a car: first, the amount they list it for, second, the amount they'd LIKE to sell it for, and third, the amount they absolutely must sell it for in order to avoid being scalped or in the red. The only way you will uncover that final price is to make an offer, generally a few hundred less than you think the car is worth. They may accept or they may counter. This is the bargaining system. What does NOT work is to ask for their bottom line. They will either refuse to give it to you (and thereafter consider you cheap, and assume you are trying to cheat them) or they will give you an artificially inflated number.. higher than what they would ACTUALLY be willing to sell it for, but since you're not playing the game, why should they? 5.) Do not ask me how much I still owe on it. Not only is that none of your business, I am smart enough to realize it is only a different way of asking "What's the least you'll take for it?". Please see item #4. 6.) Do not call, ask me questions, sound interested, get my address, arrange a time to come by, and then never show up. This is unbelievably rude. I do have a life that does not revolve around selling my car, and odds are I cancelled or refused plans because I expected you to come by. If I am willing to arrange my schedule for your convenience, please do me the courtesy of keeping your appointment. 7.) Do not show up, drive the car, be really interested and say you want to buy it but "your dad/friend/cousin has to come look at it" or "you couldn't get money from the bank today" and you'll call me tomorrow. My feelings are not going to be hurt if you're not interested in buying my car. Give me the universally accepted code for "not interested": "I have a few more cars to look at." 8.) Do not INSULT my carefully-kept, well-maintained car while test-driving, especially if you pulled up in a car worth approximately my front end. You know who you are! I know what game you're playing and I'm not impressed. I'm not suddenly going to think "Oh my God, you're right, I never replaced the rims with 20" chromes, what was I thinking?? Please, take it off my hands!!" and accept your lowball offer. In fact, while we drove and you made snide remarks about my tint (quality, but not limo), my rims (alloy, but not chrome), my stereo (new mp3 player, but not Bose), and my AC (which would work a lot better if you TURNED ON THE AC BUTTON!!), my bottom-line number slowly went up. I wouldn't have budged at all on the price for YOU. 9.) While we're at it, don't test drive my car like you're drag racing. Yes, I understand you want to get on it and see how it performs. It's not necessary to floor the gas at every stop on a three-block circuit. 10.) I'd appreciate it if you watched the curbs, too. :) 11.) Do not (actually, this probably should have been #1) ask for my husband to talk on the phone, meet you at a gas station, or go on test drives. First of all, I'm not married, not that it's any of your business. Secondly, it is MY car. I paid for and did the repairs MYSELF. *I* paid $200 a month to the bank and *I* paid the obscene insurance premiums. *I* noticed when it started acting funny and *I* did the oil changes. It's MY phone number in the ad, MY name on the title and buster, if you're interested, you're going to haggle with ME. So it's probably not a good idea to insult me in favor of him, because *I'm* the one who decides whether or not you are going home with my car. He's only there because I realize you think I'm too stupid to know anything about my car and for some reason, having a Y chromosome standing silently next to me makes you think I know what I'm talking about. (That, and because the one time he wasn't there I got stuck with the jackass who drove like he had a small-penis complex and insulted the hell out of my car.) 12.) And finally, your respect wins mine. :) If you act suspicious, accuse me of lying (no matter how subtle), try to weasel "dirt" out of me with roundabout questions and coyly talk about "that other car" whose owner would take less than I'm asking, I'm going to play hardball, too. If you are pleasant, punctual, courteous, respectful and honest, I will be, too. I am looking for a win-win situation. Let's keep this game honest and we'll all come out ahead!! webmaster@craigslist.org 2005-04-26T18:51:01-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/70382967.html Car Buying Etiquette: the unspoken rules of the private party sale text You stole my heart &amp; left your shoe - w4m http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/50800716.html Last night you tried to rob me. I heard you prying open the door and sneaking inside. Did you want my computer or television - or perhaps you were looking for love. When I surprised you with that bat to the head, I saw the look you gave me. It was surprise. It was then that I finally looked at you. Dark hair, dark clothes, green eyes and a slight swelling on the side of your head. You were gorgeous. My prince charming. But then you ran off ... This morning, I found your shoe in the street. Like a fairy tale, I know I have to find you. My cinderella thief who stole my heart. If this is your shoe, call me. I'm desperate! And easy.  <table><tr><td align=center><img src="http://b.im.craigslist.org/nV/aO/XQPd65XVbkGMoIBa4n1ui8sGTT5m.jpg"></td> <td align=center> </td></tr> <tr><td align=center> </td> <td align=center> </td></tr></table>  this is in or around Phoenix webmaster@craigslist.org 2004-12-01T11:37:16-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/50800716.html You stole my heart &amp; left your shoe - w4m text Imaginary Friend for Electrical Work http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/49576059.html I'm in a bind and forced to barter my imaginary friend for some quality electrical work. Need a couple of can lights and other lights installed. I hate to part with my imaginary friend, or Buddy as I call him. Buddy has been with me for years. Buddy's a good friend. Never complains and is dependable. Buddy won't forget to drive you home after a night on the town! Buddy's not too smart, but that can be good. Buddy goes along with everything you want to do - even if it's really stupid. Unlike other "real" friends, Buddy is perfect if you're in a relationship. He doesn't mind sharing you with others - after all, you're Buddy's only friend. So if you know electrical stuff and need a good, dependable imaginary friend, give me a call. Here's a picture of Buddy so you know what you're getting.  <table><tr><td align=center><img src="http://b.im.craigslist.org/p1/9J/Sow5x8LmuvCGJlOG3DHTcp3ho2XS.jpg"></td> <td align=center> </td></tr> <tr><td align=center> </td> <td align=center> </td></tr></table>  this is in or around C Phoenix webmaster@craigslist.org 2004-11-19T13:29:55-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/49576059.html Imaginary Friend for Electrical Work text WANTED: free ox http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/47209766.html Hello. I would like an ox. I need a pet to keep away burglars and to keep the neighborhood kids off my lawn. I figure an ox should do the trick. If anyone has an extra ox please let me know. Preferably one that looks like this.  <table><tr><td align=center><img src="http://b.im.craigslist.org/ei/uk/K7mP5PlDYc4NxsSB0R8ksCi1jfM8.jpg"></td> <td align=center> </td></tr> <tr><td align=center> </td> <td align=center> </td></tr></table>  this is in or around 40th st and Indian School webmaster@craigslist.org 2004-10-29T10:39:57-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/47209766.html WANTED: free ox text Female models needed for haircut video http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/46972170.html Considering an exciting and dramatic hairstyle change? Want to get paid up to $250.00 in the process? If so, you are exactly what we are looking for. We are looking for 3 female models to complete a video project that focuses on very short female hairstyles. Specifically, we are lining up models to hair their hair "buzzed" (cut to 1/4 of an inch all over). Interested? If so, here are the details: The shoot is completely non-sexual and in fact, we encourage each model to bring along a friend to the shoot (in the past, many of the models' friends have actually done some of the haircutting). The shoot will take place in West Phoenix later on this month. Also, each model will be paid in cash immediately after the completion of the shoot. In the past, each session took roughly 30 minutes and each model had a lot of fun in the process. Not bad for up to $250.00! Again, we are looking for only female models and we ask that they be at least 18 years of age and no more than early 30's. If you are interesting in participating in this project, please reply to the ad and submit a recent digital picture. Once all submissions have been reviewed, each participant will be notified via email with further details. Compensation: Long Hair: $250.00, Medium length Hair: $200.00, Short Hair: $150.00 Job location is West Phoenix webmaster@craigslist.org 2004-10-27T10:05:47-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/46972170.html Female models needed for haircut video text TIPS ON SELLING YOUR FURNITURE http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/46093492.html 1. You had it made custom? Fantastic. But remember it was custom made for your dreams, not mine. 2. You paid $10,000 for your sofa? If I was even considering a $5000 "half off" used designer sofa, would I be on CL looking for it? No. If I was going to drop $5K on a sofa, I'd want a fresh one. 3. You are not doing me a favor by selling me anything. I am doing you a favor by purchasing your used goods. If I get a good deal and I actually like it, we're doing one another a favor. 4. I don't care how much you capitalize TRUST ME I KNOW - I do not belive you "know quality furniture and this is a great piece." I don't care. I'm on craigslist because I want a cheap couch that doesn't smell and won't embarass me. 5. You want me to come over pay you, then wait till your move out date to pick up the furniture? F- You. Someone actually wouldn't take their asking price because I wanted to come get the furniture the day I saw it on CL. Don't post until you're ready to part with it. 6. Photos, people. Even if you don't have a digital camera, I guarantee you know someone who does. Borrow it. Furniture with photos sells so much faster. 7. That "beautiful solid oak dining suite?" with the white and oak chairs and "hand lathed legs" Yeah, that's from Ikea and it's 149 for the set there, not 500 OBO. 8. How nice something is "like Pottery Barn". Just because Busvans is closed doesn't mean we don't remember their stuff looked the same and cost half. Don't make a profit on a 3 year old sofa. That makes you a creep. And you'll be the one complaining becuase someone didn't show up to look at your no photo poorly descibed overpriced sofa in Mesa or Apache Junction. 9. Again I repeat - people who are looking for swanky stuff that's NOT actual Eames (not eames like or eames era) or other concrete collectible furniture are NOT shopping CL. Sell me a couch for 400 or less, chairs are 250 or less, if you're willing to deliver, I can see paying a touch extra. 10. Futons really need to be out of furniture and in their own separate category. Futons do nothing but muck up these listings. this is in or around VALLEY WIDE webmaster@craigslist.org 2004-10-19T11:32:49-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/46093492.html TIPS ON SELLING YOUR FURNITURE text Need tiny clowns http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/13475043.html Now hiring 6-10 smaller carny types to drive/ride in modified "tiny" volkswagen beetle for grand finale of traveling road show. Experience necessary: Ability to manipulate small handles under duress. Resistance to fire is a plus. Similar roadshows are now igniting finale performers. Ability to dodge potentially dangerous projectiles. Must get along with others and pack animals. Excellent communication skills. Benefits: Travel and experience the West Valley! Compensation: tips mostly This is an internship job. Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster. Please, no phone calls about this job! Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests. Reposting this message elsewhere is NOT OK. this is in or around Goodyear webmaster@craigslist.org 2003-07-12T12:34:04-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/13475043.html Need tiny clowns text Glory Holes near the airport http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/12653176.html Are there any glory holes near the airport? I would appreciate any info you could provide..... webmaster@craigslist.org 2003-06-20T10:46:25-07:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/12653176.html Glory Holes near the airport text