dear sir or madam:

at approximately 00:30 on thursday morning, i was with a friend walking back from a night of drunken revelry when i spotted a pair of crutches leaning against the fence by the tennis courts. you are evidently very tall, as i had to adjust these crutches before i could mockingly, drunkenly use them. i apologize for any inconvenience i caused you and would be more than happy to return your cripple sticks.

please respond at your earliest convenience. tell me what your crutches look like so i don't give them to a cripple-poser.

• Location: 10/Lombard
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests