Originally Posted: 2004-06-24 2:11pm
Rant: rubber and jelly
So I am a girl, and every girl has her naughty drawer. You'll usually find it in the nightstand by the bed, for convenience. Well, in my naughty drawer I keep condoms and lube, I keep some porn and some soft-ties for light restraint.
But I also keep my dildoes and strap-on attachments and my sweet, sweet vibrator in the drawer. They are made of rubber and of jelly. And they smell awful. No...not like rotten cooter awful. They smell like rubber. No matter how many times I wash them with a mild soap and water or run them in the top rack of the dishwasher they still smell like rubber. But this week they have started stinking, that eyes-watering, noxious fume-y stink of old rubber.
Do you remember when you were a kid you would run around at Halloween with a pig snout on your nose, or a cat's nose and whiskers? Those little masks you would put over your nose, they stunk like rubber. And they were on your nose, so it stunk bad. That is the smell. Do you have an olfactory memory, now? Well, I don't know why it is just starting to stink now, maybe, could it be the heat? Could it be that after years of use and care, the rubber is finally starting to revert?
What can it be? Will I be forced to replace my entire collection? That is an expensive proposition. I am sad. But I am having houseguests next week and I fear that my naughty drawer will be exposed if it continues to stink up my bedroom like this.
Goodbye, jelly dong, goodbye vaginal and anal plugs. Goodbye, double dong. You filled me front and back and I was never lonely when you were around. Goodbye vac-u-loc attachments, we spent some fun time together, and introduced our share of men to the wonderful world of pegging. Goodbye realistic looking cock. Goodbye jackrabbit vibrator. I will miss you most of all, with your precious pearls rotating and your long ears tickling my clit. We had some fun together. I wish I could keep you, but I don't want to be exposed as the pervert I am.
Why? Why did this have to happen now? Now when I just got fired and am trying to save my money? Now when I have no boyfriend to substitute for my rubber friends? Why now, when I am having guests next week and don't have much time to order replacements and get the stink cleared out of my apartment?
Alas, I must go to Goodvibes.com and meet some new friends. I hope they are as good to me as you have been.
this is in or around my naughty drawer