Originally Posted: 2006-01-04 2:42pm
Re: Why The Hell Is The Dog Getting Laid More Than Me? - w4m â 35
Simply put it’s because animals don’t complicate sex with feelings. Animals don’t “go out for a drink or dinner or whatever”. Animals don’t have a “litany of reasons why they have not gotten out in a very long time”. Animals don’t say things like “Please be under 40, single, good looking, professional or at least well read, D/D free, and available Saturday night.” And animals don’t say “YOU HAVE TO SEND ME A PIC!”
When an animal is hungry they eat. They don’t care much what they eat. Some dogs will eat themselves sick and will eat poisonous things too. When an animal is thirsty they drink. Again, not too much thought goes into satisfying this need. When an animal is in heat they mate. No talking, no dinner and a movie, no nice car, no nice shoes. They give off a pheromone scent and howl to let others know they’re ready.
If you’re truly a good-looking woman, who’s busty, professional, with a big butt, and up for almost anything then the fault is yours alone. I’d do you, and most of my friends would do you too.
But being a girl is so very hard. You want to get laid, but you complicate things with history and emotion. If you make him shower and make him wear a condom you have eliminated 95% of the threat to yourself. If you carry a gun or a serrated knife then you’ve cut the remaining threat 5% down to 2%.
So there you are, 98% sure he’s safe enough to screw. And statistically speaking, most guys are clean and most guys are safe. Just like most guys’ just want to screw. We like women who like us. If you give it to us we’ll gratefully take it.
So what’s stopping you? You’re a girl. You have to talk to him. Have to. Genetic compulsion. If you don’t talk to him then you’d be a guy. Guys don’t talk to the hamburger they eat. If you’re horny then screw. If you’re thirsty then drink. You have to know if he can form sentences like an English teacher, because if he can’t talk then he can’t screw. At least that’s what girls think. You have to know that he has a job, or is looking for a job. You have to know that he lives on his own or he’s had a bad setback and is only living at home recently and temporarily because if he’s not ambitious then he can’t screw.
I mean how good could that steak dinner be if the cow was a mamma’s boy and a slacker and couldn’t conjugate Moos to save his life. If he was smart and sensitive, maybe he wouldn’t be on your plate in the first place.
No I don’t work for PETA.
No I’m not a vegetarian.
My point is that women don’t want sex. Why is the dog getting laid more than you? Because the dog wants to get laid. Women don’t want to get laid. If they did, they would. Women want safety and security and comfort and dependability. Women want a shoulder to lean on, a chest to cry on, a lap to sit on, and someone to count on. Women want to cuddle and talk and share secrets. Women want to go out and be out and stay out. Women want to see a great show, have a great meal, and dance at a great club. Women like dressing up and being seen, but when they stay in women like foreplay. Sex is like dessert, but foreplay is the true meal, the reason you came, the entrée, and the most fulfilling part of the dinner. Women can orgasm standing in the supermarket checkout line. They don’t need men for orgasm. They have better toys then men do, trust me. Women don’t want sex. Women want to make a deep quality connection with someone who will listen and respect them until death they do part, except when Patrick Swayze haunted Demi Moore. Even death can’t keep them apart. How romantic is that?
Speaking as a man, we’re more like dogs. We can be your best friends and we’re loyal to who feeds us best. We’re trainable, if you take the time to train us, but when it’s time to mate, then mate. Don’t have a headache, and don’t plan a special vacation to Vermont next month. Step up or step back and let some other woman try. I know this is wholly unattractive now, but why would I cheat if you were giving me sex when I wanted it? Everything can’t be blamed on women, but men don’t complicate sex with feelings. We just want to get laid. Just like dogs.
Well, I gotta be back to work. I hope this was more educational than funny.
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