Some of you may remember the pics I posted a while back of my neighbor, who wears either a kitchen POT or a tinfoil hat on her head - every day. Well let me tell you she is officially CRAZY (I know, as if the head wear didn't already give it away). Allow me if you will to replay the events of last night around 10:30:
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I stepped out back and sat down on my patio chair to have a smoke before heading to bed. Now sometimes the Pot Head Lady steps out in the evening also, so I didn't think anything of it when I heard her sliding door open. Until she started yelling. I looked around, then realized she was yelling at ME. Here's how it went -
Pot Head Lady: Hey you fucking ASSHOLE! Next time you fucking shoot me do it to my face!
Me: (looking around confusedly) Excuse me?
PHL: (basically repeating the same thing over again)
At this time I should say that I was thinking 'SHIT...hahaha...just MAYBE she was, in her own backwards way, talking about the pictures I took of her and she had found them on craigslist!' Now that would be funny, but that was over a month ago and I doubt she just found them now.
Me: WHAT are you talking about??
PHL: (her tone temporarily changing to sound almost-sane) Do you live there?
Me: Umm, Yes...
PHL: You fucking TAZERED me in the back when I wasn't looking ASSHOLE! You SONOFABITCH YOU MADE MY KIDNEY HURT!!!
PHL: YOU FUCKING LIAR YOU DID IT - YOU TAZERED ME IN THE BACK!! Next time do it to my face!!! ASSHOLE!
At this point I have nothing. I don't know whether to laugh and run for the camera again or get pissed because I have two young kids sleeping in the house and she is YELLING at me in my own backyard. Hoping to get her to SHUT UP, I decided to go with "Ok, you need to go back into your house lady."
She looked at me for a second, muttered to herself about me being a "real class act" or something, then ignored me, watered her plants, and went back in.
Never a dull moment here in Gresham.