UPDATE: My CRAZY Pot Head Neighbor Lady
I stepped out back and sat down on my patio chair to have a smoke before heading to bed. Now sometimes the Pot Head Lady steps out in the evening also, so I didn't think anything of it when I heard her sliding door open. Until she started yelling. I looked around, then realized she was yelling at ME. Here's how it went -
Pot Head Lady: Hey you fucking ASSHOLE! Next time you fucking shoot me do it to my face!
Me: (looking around confusedly) Excuse me?
PHL: (basically repeating the same thing over again)
At this time I should say that I was thinking 'SHIT...hahaha...just MAYBE she was, in her own backwards way, talking about the pictures I took of her and she had found them on craigslist!' Now that would be funny, but that was over a month ago and I doubt she just found them now.
Me: WHAT are you talking about??
PHL: (her tone temporarily changing to sound almost-sane) Do you live there?
Me: Umm, Yes...
PHL: You fucking TAZERED me in the back when I wasn't looking ASSHOLE! You SONOFABITCH YOU MADE MY KIDNEY HURT!!!
PHL: YOU FUCKING LIAR YOU DID IT - YOU TAZERED ME IN THE BACK!! Next time do it to my face!!! ASSHOLE!
At this point I have nothing. I don't know whether to laugh and run for the camera again or get pissed because I have two young kids sleeping in the house and she is YELLING at me in my own backyard. Hoping to get her to SHUT UP, I decided to go with "Ok, you need to go back into your house lady."
She looked at me for a second, muttered to herself about me being a "real class act" or something, then ignored me, watered her plants, and went back in.
Never a dull moment here in Gresham.