best of craigslist > portland > Top 10 reasons M4W isn't working out so great for me.
Originally Posted: 2005-01-16 7:43pm

Top 10 reasons M4W isn't working out so great for me.

1. “Sometimes I do cry while I'm making love to a woman. It's the most sacred thing two people can do and I get overwhelmed. Sometimes I'll read poetry while in the act and the beauty of that is amazing.”

Ummm. You cry? And read poetry? WHILE making love? I’m just trying to figure out the mechanics of this. I mean, I have trouble reading on the stairmaster.

2. “My gf recently broke my heart. Sometimes things happen to us thats beyond our control, and as much as it hurts, I cannot control what she did to me. I am seeking a woman who has undergone similar situation and is in need of comfort, patience, understanding and empathy.”

Baggage. Man, I feel for you, but I wouldn’t touch this one with a 12-foor pole.

3. “Although I am quite handsome, I'm pretty bad in the sack. I'm selfish and usually only care about my needs.”

Well, at least the honesty is refreshing.

4. “I am looking for someone that is intelligent to such a degree that they have difficulty carrying on a conversation with fellow students and peers…About me; I do not watch T.V. so as not to be exposed to material which will reduce my paradigm to mere programming, avoid commercialized radio, and read the newspaper to a very limited degree. I am interested in reading scientific studies, surveys and ideas.”

So, okay, you’re looking for someone who will not talk to you, except perhaps about scientific studies, surveys and ideas? I’m a smarty honey, but no way. That sounds painful.

5. “Sign: Leo(with a cusp to Cancer) It's a date thingy; And likely just another reason that I seem to 'feel' so much, I guess. Born in the year of the horse; Black-horse, black meaning "water"(i've a lot of water), the charts tell me I need a woman with "wood" to balance me out,(maybe thats why i like trees so much).”

Goddamn astrology. Do people realize how much of an idiot it makes them sound like?

6. “Recently I like the fascination of kites. Think they are wild in the air, going as far as the cord will allow them... up there where the wind can either make them fly or tear them apart... free of any worries of everyday life. I'll enclose a picture. anyway... It is really relaxing, fun and special to me, wondering, hoping it flies. Have YOU ever made a kite??!!”

Not since I was a kid, no I have not. I guess they’re neat, but perhaps I don’t see them as some metaphor for life. Or rather, they are too much of an obvious metaphor to interest me. So, while they’re nice to look at, I wouldn’t be falling all over myself to go fly a kite.

7. “PDX-based national biz owner seeks ATTRACTIVE, SHAPELY SEXY & INTELLIGENT companionship a couple of nights a week or so, and overnights or travel a weekend or so a month.... Extremely generous benefit$ and all the amenities available to Ms. Right, based on my level of happiness and satisfaction…You will know how to care for my simple needs...NOT looking for someone who is much overweight,..and particularly not looking for someone with anger management problems, excess baggage, or an attitude problem (i.e. passive-aggressive, bi-polar, BPD, stalker, etc.) Single mom's (with childcare) ARE encouraged to reply. SEND RECENT CLEAR PICS SHOWING YOUR FIGURE IN FIRST CONTACT OR I WILL NOT REPLY… I'm ready to meet you now, and make decisions based on the quality of response…I am single and available NOW and you Should be too…Warm regards & Best Always”

Where to start? Okay. Oviously you’re looking for someone hot – and you repeatedly make clear what the financial implications of taking care of your needs are (although with the stipulation that you must be happy and satisfied for this to occur, so, if the sex sucks, do you not pony up?). Anyways, given that (a) you are looking for someone really hot; and (b) you repeatedly state how much money you will provide, that leads me to the conclusion that (c) you ain’t that hot yourself.

It’s also nice how single moms with childcare needs are encouraged to apply – I don’t know – specifically asking for financially strapped, potentially desperate women sounds pretty sleazy to me. And, you “make decisions based on the quality of responses”? Wow, you sound like a great guy. Warm regards to you too hotshot. Sigh.

8. “I am specifically looking for a very high class (as in genuinely bright, sincere, educated, professionally accomplished in her own right, sensual and loving) Lady for a long term mistress relationship in the European sense of the word.”

Explain to me why a high-class, educated, professional would be interested in this type of a relationship?

9. “Artist needs sugar momma! You've always wanted to support the arts? You've never seen Susnet Blvd, right? Then we could be on to a great relationship! Me: artists, not starving, writer, published, many irons in the fire, fit, jogger, unemployed. I'm actually write stuff, unlike many who pose as such.

You are “artists”? More than one? Also, let me quote you, “I’m actually write stuff.” Did you mean you actually write stuff or you are actually the right stuff?

10. And, last on the list, a few things you don’t really need to tell us (see, WE ALREADY KNOW) with evidence pulled from various craigslist postings.

(a) You like oral and/or are really good at it.

· I am also very good at orally pleasuring a woman.
· I have a talented tongue
· I LOVE to EAT Pussy...I guarantee you will CUM!!
· I LOVe performing cunnilingus on a woman, especially a shaved one. I know its not PC and all that, but I can do it for hours til you can't walk anymore, or at least for a time.
· If your body is volupuous cutie, please contact me... i will worship you! I love oral, too
· I'm very oral, and I have a thick, circumcised penis. In addition, I have full, soft lips; strong, warm fingers, and a curious, skilled tongue.
· Im str8, drug disease free very sexual, sensual, extreeeemely oral giving and very sexually open minded.
· available all day you host I love to give & recieve oral sex with a woman
· I have alota time on my hands & love a sexy woman..if youd like to have some great sex on week days anytime all day let me know Ill come by & take care of your needs ... I love to give & recieve oral sex... been a while ? just email me when , there will be great sex for both of us so why go with out...
· Am patient, extremely oral, and want to rub myself against you for a couple of hour
· I just love to lick pussy. Lick it, suck it, feel your warm wet juices all over my face. I you're a woman who loves to receive great oral sex then I your man. Especially if you're a moaner or a screamer when you cum, that totally turns me on.
· I am very experienced in oral delights and wish to service you and leave you with a smile-))
· please be good at giving oral & LOVE receiving(plenty) it. I love giving it & then receiving
· but i'm very good with my mouth and fingers
· I am VERY oral, very affectionate, touchy feely, and wont stop until you are plead
· I never brag unless I can back it up. I'm very good at oral, I promise to leave your legs shaking.

(b) You like sex

· Sensual, passionate and generous in the bedroom and seeking the same in a female
· I am an extemely sensual and gentlemanly person
· I am a VERY playful, passionate lover
· I am a very sexual being. Some people enjoy cars. I enjoy sex.
· 5’ 10”, brown hair, 190lbs, nice arms, cute butt, high sex drive
· Saying that sex is important would be a gross understatement.
· Well I love sex an love to kiss and can't literally get enough
· I do believe however that a good sex life is a very important and integral part of a good and long lasting relationship.
· I'm very affectionate, passionate, sensual and sexual.
· She should be Honest, Polite, Sensual, SEXUAL responsive, AND Respectful. As I desire No Games.. I desire Heart, passion and Inner Beauty.
I am a man who is hard working and giving....Sexy, handsome, And REAL
· due to some circumstances that I can explain later, my time is very limited right now. but I am also feeling the need for female companionship and sex.
· looking for a women to enjoy sex with. I like to be slow, gental, and please my partner. I just love sex.
· I want to talk and watch movies and have great sex and cuddle and go on walks and eat lots of food
· I'm looking for intimacy,passion and an ecstatic energy that can only be derived from the sacred art of Tantra.
· I am ultimately a very sensual and sexual person, of tantric creativity, well-meaning fidelity, and no small measure of wild aliveness




post id: 55917483

email to friend

best of [?]