Originally Posted: 2004-12-16 1:32am
145,762 miles...................time for an oil change
I could go to Jiffy Lube or Oil Can Henry's but those guys wear odd little outfits and yell too much. My personal mechanic does a fine job but the grime under his finger nails and an obsesssion with maintaining the free popcorn machine, scare me. The mechanics, of most things, usually leave my conceptually addicted brain all a flutter. Though, I proudly lay claim to working a mean toaster oven. Don't be fooled. Anything that needs instructions, runs on fuel or batteries or solar energy or wind or cannola oil, things that you can rev up, slow down, plug in, light up (remember, we're talk'n electricity here)...I've got 'em covered.
You will be needed to:
-squeeze my hand during movie scenes that only we "get"
-show me that little scar on your cheek as a result of a sword fight with your sister's overheated curling iron (preferable to a knife yielding gang encounter)
-offer me your last piece of Uni and when I refuse, offer again
-drive no more than 75 mph...EVER, unless we are being tailed by my editor wanting a rewrite, YESTERDAY!
-read to me at bedtime and wake me with your hand brushing my cheek (face or otherwise)
-tell me it makes me look PHAT!
-walk, talk, possibly falk....but, DEFINITELY not stalk
-stand tall and carry a big wooden stick (hee...hee)
-be older than a boy, younger than a geezer
I, in return, solemnly swear to be your very own laughter inducing, heart opening, mind blowing, ass warmer...for, at the very least, a long weekend.
this is in or around under my hood