Stay Out of my Masturbation Bathroom!
So, I NEED that bathroom. I mean have you ever imagined masturbating on the 1st floor? It’s populated! People keep walking in and out doing their thing, using bathrooms the normal way, that really ruins the mood. 2nd floor none of the handles on the doors work, exposure is calculated at too high a risk. But the 3rd floor, now there’s a peach! Or at least it WAS, until you started going up there. You even leave the light on asshat! How stupid could that possibly be? I mean IF the cleaning crew ever went up there (though they don’t, the toilets now double as Petri dishes) then don’t you realize THEY WOULD KNOW someone was using the abandoned bathroom? I live in fear of this, in fear of the lights going on permanently or, worse, going up there to find the door locked! Where the hell would I go?????
You’re endangering my happy place. Cripes I only need it for five minutes to return to work focused, bright-eyed and ridiculously pleasant. So please, please find another place to be all secretive about your bowel movements. This is MY masturbation bathroom and I WILL protect it.
this is in or around west pdx