Lines of evidence that my boyfriend is a cat
1. He comes and goes as he likes.
2. He’s far friendlier when I offer food.
3. He sleeps about 14 hours a day.
4. He acts like it’s a privilege to give him attention.
5. He tries to lay on me alot.
6. When I’m reading the paper, he gets in front of it and wants attention.
7. He bats at quickly moving objects.
8. He spends a good deal of time grooming himself, especially after I’ve touched him.
9. He doesn’t come when called.
10. He sheds everywhere.
11. He makes funny little grumbly sounds when he’s happy.
12. He’s kind of territorial.
13. He’s destroyed the couch.
14. Sometimes he sprays in the bathroom.
15. I’m not sure he would notice if I were gone for a few days.
So, in any case, if you have a dog of a man that you’re a little tired of and you’d like to try something else, I would like to offer you a trade for my cat of a boyfriend. He comes with a few toys, a bowl, and a week’s supply of food. By the way, if you don’t have a man, I would also be willing to trade a good bottle of wine for him, and I’ll promise to toast to your success as a couple while I’m drinking it.