Rant: Grocery Girl
However, dearest customers, I must lay out some rules in the vain hope that you'll actually listen:
Paper or plastic- it's not a difficult decision. Choose quickly, and please for the love of all that is good, do not change your mind mid-bagging. Not only is it a huge pain for me, but inconveniences others waiting in line.
If I forget that you want paper IN plastic- it's a fairly unusual request- don't hiss at me! It's easily fixable, and I will mend the problem with a smile on my face.
I don't automatically "double bag" every bag as my boss discourages it. Don't get huffy if I don't double bag. Please ask me in a civil manner and I will gladly put on a second bag.
2. Wait Your Turn! -
I don't care if you have a newspaper. I know it's 50 cents. However, I get my ass chewed every time I don't scan it. So wait in line like everyone else.
If you have a return, don't come rushing up to me, thrusting your receipt/returned product in my face if I'm with another customer. Again, this is what lines were created for.
3. Produce -
May I ask kindly that you don't get in my face and howl, "RED DELICIOUS, 59 CENTS A POUND!"? Thanks for that interesting tidbit; do you happen to know the produce code? Didn't think so. Don't forget, I've been eating fruit for as long as I can recall, and I am familiar with most of basics here. I know my codes backwards and forwards. However, if you bring up something like okra, yucca root, or plantains, it may take me a literal second to look up the code. In the meantime, please don't proceed to howl the name and price of the fruit. It does me absolutely no good.
4. General Guidelines on Human Interaction-
Quit with the asshole act. No one else is impressed with you picking on an exhausted-looking 20-year-old girl. Wow, you can pick on someone whose day started at 5 AM and who's barely scraping by. Someday in the not-so-distant future I can only hope that I come up against you and your attorney in court and show you what my tough, future-lawyer self is really made of.
While I'm working towards that goal, don't harumph/growl/yell at me when something goes awry. I'm sorry that we only have your particular brand of cigs in the box and not in a "soft pack", but I don't make the ordering decisions. If this revelation is truly so disturbing to you that you feel the need to bitch and moan, I'll be happy to call my boss over.
And please don't ask me out at work. If I'm interested in you, I'll write my phone number on your receipt or otherwise let you know, by BLATANTLY MENTIONING MY ATTRACTION to you. Since I'm at my place of work, I'm really not looking to pick up men. Please refrain from embarassing yourself by forcing me to reject you in front of my co-workers and the five people in line behind you. I am a nice person and really hate having to do that. I know I smiled at you, shared a joke, and/or made small talk, but that's part of my job. I try to make everyone who comes through my line feel comfortable and happy. It doesn't mean that I want to meet you after work and fuck you. Being friendly isn't the same as displaying a sexual/romantic interest in you.
Lastly, this is a store that carries a lot of international foods. Multi-linguality was not part of my job description when I was hired- nor is it now. I'm semi-fluent in Spanish and know a few words in other languages as well. I may even bid you goodbye or good day in your native tongue, if I know it. However, I cannot help you otherwise. I'd love to be able to, and I hold no grudges about your lack of English skills. Learning a new language is difficult and frustrating at times. However, don't blow up at me because I can't understand you. I'm sorry.
Other than that, you're all wonderful. Please observe the aforementioned guidelines and everything will be just peachy.