Originally Posted: 2005-10-25 12:35pm
You wonder why men cheat?
So I've had about all I can stand. How is it marriage allows you to take someone sexually hostage? Where the fuck do women get off dictating what is an appropriate amount of sex? You say you just have too much going on and it's not a priority but get your feelings hurt when you get cheated on, sorry not feeling the compassion like I should I guess.
Let me paint a picture. I mostly normal, professional, successful, kind, generous, blah blah blah. I am in my second marriage. The first was as much my fault as hers but one theme that held true was the drastic drop off in sex. What gives?
I have seen the scenario unfold many many times. You meet a guy and you fuck non stop for months. It tapers off but both are feeling pretty satisfied by the quality of sex and both agree that it will always be this way. In fact the guy is assuming this is a cornerstone of the relationship and takes this into consideration when he offers you a huge fucking ring you did nothing to deserve. Am I being to harsh? i don't think so, about 1% of the population of the world has a diamond ring of 1 karat or larger. What makes you so special?
Let me take a different tact, if it costs $8,000 for a ring for 1 or 2 years of pornstar sex so be it, just lay it out there, get it on the table that it's a negotiable contract that comes due every couple years. You agree to be the nasty fuck toy we fell in love with and we will buy you another ring or other appropriate trinket. that's fair isn't it?
But no... it doesn't work out like that. Half a dozen years into your marriage you just don't have time anymore. What used to be a fun quicky on the bathroom counter now is just a pain in the ass. Hmmm where did we go wrong, how did mankind get duped like this? How can we warn the young men who are about to make the fatal mistake of putting a ring on your spoiled finger.
Do I sound bitter? well I guess I do. Let me explain, I'm sure there's more than myself in this unfortunate spot.
My wife of 6 years has had sex with me 12 times this year. Three of the last four times she said "I'm just going to lay here, I don't want to do anything. Just hurry up and get it over with".
The final insult came last week when she said I hate dragging it out, I just want to get my "O" and be done with it. (this takes 5 minutes tops)
I was empathetic for the first six years about how the anti depressants killed your sex drive, I did the research, I recommended the different types that weren't as libido killing as the SSRI's. Enough is enough though.
Let's do the math
5 minutes of sex 12 times a year is one hour of sex per year. ONE FUCKING HOUR...
It used to be one hour or longer each time we had sex when we were dating. WHAT GIVES?
Lets compare that to the 8760 hours in a year. Yes almost 9 thousand hours in a year and you can barely be bothered to fuck for one of them? You should be arrested, you should be fined, you should be publicly humiliated.
Yes, I am being a baby. I totally understand that I am being a raving lunatic.
Why? Because I have tried divorce once. Nevermind that it was financially devastating, life altering, and hell on earth for years. None of that compares to the fact that it forever ruined my relationship with my children, regardless of what you may console yourselves with divorce hurts everyone and no one is better for it unless you are in harms way by staying.
I am so sick of the spoiled, me me me attitude by today's american woman that I could just bite myself.
During the dating phase you told us all your hopes and dreams which mostly consisted of a nice home, kids, a dog, family holidays, vacations, etc.
We told you we liked all that but wanted a car or a motorcycle or a boat to go along with it.
Fast forward half a dozen years. You have all the things you wanted, nevermind the mortgage is oppressive, the activities for the kids cost hundreds of dollars a month, you bitch constantly about how you hate the house you absolutely HAD to have years ago. You have a medicine cabinet full of Paxil, Effexor, vicodin, sleep pills, awake pills, everthing but a fucking horny pill.
You bitch that all your friends have the things you want and you are miserable yet the kids are the best kids in the history of the world, everyone is healthy, you drive an SUV like your friends, you get Starbucks regularly.
WHAT IN YOUR LIFE IS SO HORRIBLE?
Your bored? you don't have your own life? You feel over worked. Don't get me wrong, raising children is the hardest job by far since it rarely affords a break but is it so bad? (Agreed that the kids are so spectacular because of your contstant attention, but if you ignore your marriage it will go the way of a forgotten child too)
You could have been born poor, you could have to work 50 hours a week and take care of the kids, and pay for the mortgage on your own but you don't. Instead you go to play group, you shop, you drive around looking at houses you dream of living in instead of the one you have.
I can see how you don't have any time for sex. I mean after all the guy who sacraficed his own hopes and dreams to finance yours probably isn't worthy of some respect, admiration, and god forbid occasional sex.
(disclaimer time... I know us guys are a pain in the ass to live with that goes without saying)
The moral of the story is that it's just as much your fault as mine that I have taken a lover, she is everything your not. She is carefree, she acts like a total slut because we have an understanding that I prize her above all things for just being her slutty self, not condemning her for it. She doesn't accusingly look at me like I duped her into buying that fucking leper of a house, doesn't tell me that I stole her life from her because she is raising children now.
It is a total vacation from everything you have become.
The funny thing is I would totally be there with you hand in hand praising you instead of her if you would only treat me like a human again. If you would only show the slightest passion, if you would just quit trying to take any possible enjoyment out of life for me and everyone around you then maybe, just maybe we could have a good life.
And please, don't give me the line about the medication and the councilors anymore, it worked for the first six years but it doesn't fly anymore. You came from a good family, you weren't abused, you weren't neglected, you are attractive, funny, kind, sweet at times.
I've saved the best part for last.
I am angry at myself for letting life get here. I should not have loved you so much that I could never say no. I should have not married you so soon, I should have bought all the things I wanted before we married.
Most of all I hate that I am saying these things to a million nobody's in Internet land instead of you. I would, really I would have but we all know what happens when you drink, and you drink a lot these days.
Most of all I can't believe I could be so stupid as to find myself here again. What did I cosmically do wrong? what did I do to piss off God in a past life to deserve this?
I am so fucking pissed off at you for everything, why did you fucking have to fucking be this way? why couldn't you just fucking be sane, why? why, fucking, why? I just want to kick a chair or break a window or something.
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