Best of Craigslist

Best of Craigslist http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ Best postings from craigslist.org, selected by readers en-us Copyright 2008, craigslist.org webmaster@craigslist.org webmaster@craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ Best of Craigslist Collection 2008-02-21T13:43:20-06:00 2 daily to the guy doing my wife http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/oma/581897835.html To the guy doing my wife. You know who you are. Yes I know. No I am not angry, I would just ask a few things of you. After all you are giving it to my wife. 1.Please stop leaving the seat up, I keep getting blamed and it is starting to get old. 2.You may be giving me a chance to go fishing more often but please stop drinking all my beer. It is fine if you have a couple while you visit(god knows I drink plenty before I find her attractive), but please leave me a few as I have to be there longer than you. 3.If you do drink the last one buy more or leave money on the counter I will pick some up. 4.Please replace the toilet paper when you use it all. For some reason my 5 year old son belives if its not there he does not have to wipe. We keep it under the sink, unless you can recomend a better spot? 5.After doing my wife please use something disposable to wipe off with. The basket of clothes on the right is mine and the clothes are clean as my wife does not do my washing, Irun out of time rushing to work. Last week my sweatshirt was crusty(thanks). 6.Please do not tell my children that you are their uncle, they are young not mentaly challenged. 7.Please stop turning the heat up, You pay nothing and MUD is putting it in my ass, my wife may like it but I think it hurts. 8.When she asks "do these pants make me look fat", say no. You may think giving a different answer will make her think twice about eating a gallon of ice cream a day but all you are doing is giving her a reason to go buy more pants that she will look just as fat in. 9.Stop eating the baked goods. The brownies you ate were from my mom for my birthday. My wife has not cooked anything that good for years and if she does she will not share. 10.Try shifting your weight when you sit on my chair. The recliner that I rarely have time for (soccer games and practice, basketball camp for the kids takes much of my time and I try to help with school work too)has a grove in it that forces me to roll to the left. Lastly I would like thank you for taking her to lunch on Valentines Day. She was not as hungry as usual and only orded one meal.I may be able to use the money I saved to take the children to a movie. I hope you can help me with these items, it may become ackward if I have to confront her. If you can do this for me I will give you a heads up on when I will be gone and for how long so that you don't feel rushed. P.S. I am going to take the kids to the Great Wolf Lodge on the 3rd of April for four days, I have abottle of vodka above the fridge if you find yourself low on beer. Thanks This was not writen by anyone named Jack S.  <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: omaha <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-02-21T13:43:20-06:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/oma/581897835.html to the guy doing my wife text Need advice on breaking up http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/oma/481549055.html I need a way to say the following items but in a way that she will understand: 1. Your intelligence is on par with the domestic ass. 2. Wear clothes that fit you. 3. When you are sleeping you saw logs so loudly that my neighbor complained to me about it. 4. Get out and exercise you lazy cow. 5. If you are stopping by to pick me up to go somewhere get off your no good ass and walk to the apartment instead of sitting in your car out front and honking the horn. 6. The only thing we have in common is that we enjoy being intoxicated on Friday night. 7. Why can't you get the point when I told you that the only reason I asked you out in the first place was because I already had four shots of tequila. 8. You cough so loudly my floor shakes when you do it... Are you going to cough up some unknown life form out of that lung? Is that why you are shaped like a damn watermelon? 9. I stopped calling you. I stopped coming over to your place. Why can you not take this as a hint? 10. Sex is horrible with you. I definitely wouldn't of hit that if I was sober at the time. There are fat flaps around your cooter. You have to make the Moses parting the red sea movement to move this camel-toe-esque fat lobs out of the way to get the job done. 11. You cannot get the hint when I say this isn't working you keep calling and showing up. What the hell is wrong with you??? 12. I have hit on other girls in front of you... Ones that are actually attractive and you still cling to me. 13. I find it really retarded that you think that it is perfectly acceptable to drive around a car with no insurance and without a drivers license. 14. Why don't you try to drag yourself out of white trashiness? 15. Oh yeah, one last thing, why do you think it's acceptable to go the bar every night, don't get me wrong I love going on the weekends, maybe one night in the week occasionally (If I had a bad day at work), but every goddamn night? Are you seriously trying to be a freakin drunk??? Anyone got any advice on communicating these views to this girl so that she will comprehend them please for the love of God and all that is holy and right in the world please tell me how to pound this into her oversized and under-developed head!!!   <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: Omaha <li> it's ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2007-11-17T07:55:16-06:00 Copyright 2008, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/oma/481549055.html Need advice on breaking up text