To my whore of a roommate-
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This morning I walked to the bathroom and was disgusted to find many of your nasty little chin hairs scattered about in the sink. Some clinging to slippery soap, others sticky with toothpaste goo mixed with spit, some dry and wafting dangling from the bristles of my toothbrush. I gawk at this display not angry, but inquisitive and wonder...
How do you get fucked so much?
I mean honestly who fucks you and why?
I knew you were a slut, way before we signed the lease and decided to cohabitate together. That never bothered me and it still doesn't. You have a great job, you are a smart girl, and your sluttiness and bad bathroom etiquette pales in comparison to your other good roommate qualities. (i.e. paying rent on time) However, Your late nights out, bringing different "co-workers" and "clients" by, the different men who write your rent check every month. (you can't have that many uncles sweetie)In no way bothers me. I actually think it's kinda cool that you pimp like that. But sometimes I just have to look at you and wonder. With all those chin hairs, Unsightly gooey pimples, affinity to leave excrement in the toilet EVERY morning before you leave for work (Is that some sort of weird ritual??)Girl, I just wonder...
Who fucks you?
You are such a whore you even boast about your gentleman callers. You make jokes in passing of your sluttiness stating that your new bed is "perfect for all the hard fucking you do." You laughed it off as if it was nothing, but just know that I am both amazed and completely disgusted by your conquests on a day to day basis.
Because you are such a cum guzzling ho-bag, you are rarely home,(which is another of your great roommate qualities). But sometimes if I'm lucky, late at night, through the crack in my door I see shadowy figuers heading towards your room. I feel like a kid waiting for Santa Clause to come down the chimney as i hold my breath anxiously. I hear the male voices, footsteps, heading down the hall. I hear you whorishly giggle and coo. I long to open my door, turn on my light and get a good view of these monster fuckers and finally see what this is all about. Just a glimpse I yearn for, but I stop. I stop because I realize that one of these guys could be a guy I'D like to fuck. and the thought of good looking, normal, men that I find attractive going around monster fucking creatures like you is just too much for me to bare. So I leave the rest to my imagination, and return to sleep.
So with that said...
I don't want to know who fucks you!
P.S. Buy an air conditioner It's fucking boiling hot in our living room and no thanks to you, reeks of pudussy.