Originally Posted: 2005-04-17 6:31pm

MTAs most hated

Dear fellow MTA riders. Let’s face facts. You don’t know me, and you don’t want to. It goes the same way for me. So why is it so many of you have to be abject assholes on the train? Why is it I have to silently curse the absurd and rude mannerisms of so many of you, every day, and for no apparent reason?

Simply put, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to ride the train without pissing off everyone on it. So why is it so many of you can’t seem to accomplish this seemingly simple task with minimal offense? Are you truly retarded, like Mr. Gump or do you really think your person is more valuable, important etc then everyone else? Cause ya aren’t. Now I don’t mean to be picky, but there are a few archetypical riders that make my blood (and I’m sure most of New York’s blood) boil. If you recognize yourself as any of these, perhaps take a moment to reflect on the fact that you are capable of change and you don’t have to be this person. Yes. You too, can be a conscientious straphanger with absolutely NO effort on your part!!!

1) Guys who have to sit with their legs as spread as far as ergonomically possible. Look, I know you all think it doesn’t look macho to sit with your legs demurely pushed slightly together, but that doesn’t entitle your tough-guy self to half the bench on a crowded train. I promise, your precious package will survive the ride even if your legs aren’t spread like a 2 dollar whore…

2) To you charming, usually abnormally short, feisty folk that think you need to bust onto the train as quickly as possible after the doors open, regardless of the number of people trying to get off the train. I really hate to say MTA is right about anything, but seriously…Step aside and speed your ride. Let the damn people off…the trains not leaving without you. (though I wish it would, which I typically indicate by inserting my bony elbow into the most delicate part of your anatomy I can reach as you attempt to shove me out of your impatient way)

3) Look, not to be un PC, but….fat people that choose to wedge their doublewide load into seats designed for normal people is just wrong. Im sorry the only space left to sit is barley big enough to accommodate Kate Moss, let alone your Mamma Cass portion person – but please don’t make your weight problem my nightmare by sitting on me/smashing me into a wall. Maybe this would be a good time to try burning away some of those extra calories. Try STANDING for a minute, rather then rudely crushing anyone unfortunate to be in your mammoth butt’s path.

4) Subway stations are rather large spaces, and I fail to understand why you have to actually get into the turnstile before it occurs to you to search through your luggage sized purse for your metro card while people are running for their train. You have no excuse for not digging it out ANYWHERE else.

5) Thankfully I have only seen a rare few this brave and daring, but just to let me know you sicken me….the women who use their stroller (with baby on board) to HOLD THE DOORS OPEN should be stripped of their children and uteruses. Last I checked babies weren’t considered to be an acceptable doorstop. Let the train go….their are always more to come.

6) Im amazed at peoples ability to use their cell phone to annoy and irritate, even in a place where they cant actually use them. I am really glad you just downloaded 50 cent’s new song for a ring tone…but I don’t really care to hear you play it over and over (and over) again because you cant spring for a disc-man.

The more I go, the more I realize the futility of this exercise on my part, but if it means even one less person does some of these things, then maybe my chance for a peaceful commute is that much closer. . .now pardon me while I go eat my foul smelling fast food on a rush hour A train. You don’t mind, do you?

post id: 68875457

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