Originally Posted: 2005-03-22 8:51pm
I had a humbling moment at Home Depot....
I was at Home Depot the other day and I came upon the "Lazy man's tape measure." You might not believe it, but they actually made an electronic tape measure with two buttons. One extends the tape measure and the other one retracts it. What the fuck? How hard is it to whip out the tape measure with your fingers, make a measurement and then hear that signature sound of the steel tape rolling back into the casing? And they sold this useless piece of shit for $67. How fucking lazy do you have to be to buy this shit. I correct myself. How much of an idiot do you have to be to buy this piece of shit.
Anyway, I winded up playing with this piece of shit machine and I started extending it. It somehow stopped at 6" and it reminded me that I, along with many other average man, have a 6" penis. And it gave me a realistic impression of the length of a 6" penis. And then I push the button again and it extended itself to 11". I also realized that certain African American porn stars have 11" penis. And they put it up random skanky hoe's butts. All a sudden, a surge of internal insecurity and fear hit me like a brick wall. 11" is a long, scary looking cock. What made this even more scary is the fact that when you increase all three dimension of an object, the size increase is (New_length/Old_length)^3. For the people who don't understand this concept, it simply means that a 11" penis has about 6.12 times as much "volume" of penis as a 6" penis. I was humbled and I put down the tape measure and went over to plumbing (no sexual connotations intended) section and picked up a spare plumbing part and walked sullenly to the cash register.
P.S. Girls, please help me feel better and show me that a 6" penis is okay. You might be wondering, how would I help you? Well, stroking it, sucking it and I mean really sucking it like you are trying to drain the manjuice out of me and riding it will help. I promise you that I will not "hurt" you. Send pictures and AIM screen name.
this is in or around Queens