Originally Posted: 2005-01-06 4:19pm
The valet who had his skanky sex in my car w-valet 20
This go taken off Missed connections for some reason, so now its a rant
I knew there was something up when you gave me that look while handing me back my keys, that *I know something you don't know* slimy grin, and in retrospect, you seemed a little sweaty, a little winded, definatly something greasy about you. I of course, immediatly assumed my skirt was tucked into my underwear or something, but upon ajdustment, I realized that my outfit was in in order, and I wasn't wearing any underwear anyway. I took back my keys, got into the car, dreading the re-adjustment i'd most likely have to make to my car seat (I'm VERY OCD about these things) and closed the door. And then the smell hit me, you dirty little fucker. Don't give me that smile.
I have a few questions for you:
1- Why MY car? And I don't mean this in a Nancy Keragen "why me" kind of way, I simply mean why that car, I understand the fantasy of having some wild sex in say a Mercedes, or BMW, but my parents old Mazda?
2- I really must know if you have been trained in some olympic gymnastics, for the space in my two door jalopy is limited, and what little room is left has been littered with the remenants of a cross country trip, harldy the romantic, let alone condusive enviornment for penatration.
3- Is this how you generally pass the time as you park cars? Do you have specific booty calls while on the job. "Hey baby, I just got a dirty old Mazda, meet me on the corner of 60th and 2nd..."? Who are these women, and why don't they at least demand that you fuck them in a vehicle less pre-historic.
4- This is an important one, and I REALLY must know for the sake of my sanity and hygene, did you cum anywhere in my car, or ON anything? I'm hyperventalting just thinking about this. Where on earth have you spread your would-be-children in my vehicle?
5- Did you try and set the mood with some incense or something, becuase I could have sworn that over the gaggling stentch of sweat and *shudder* BODIES I definatly smelled some cheap cherry like fragrence...was this your dates perfume? (If so, please tell her she may want to consider something on the lighter side).
So, you, you valet fuck, if you did have sex in my car, you are a gymnast, with poor taste in cars, and women (the perfume). If you were simply jerking off in mycar, while spraying yourself with perfume, or just chewing a lot of cherry gum at the time, well, then I pity you. You really must meet someone, and maybe find a job more agreable to your favorite pastime...try craigslist.
PS- thanks for not changing my radio station