best of craigslist > new york > I Hate The Yankees
Originally Posted: 2004-10-22 4:11pm

I Hate The Yankees

I hate the Yankees. I hate the players (most of them anyway). I hate the ownership. I hate the bandwagon-esque Yankee fans.

I also recognize that I'm about the 8,000th person to say these things in the past 3 days, but I'm ok with that.

I liked the Yankees when I was a little kid, because I didn't know better. But at 5 years old, when they let my favorite player (Reggie Jackson) drift away into free agency, I smartly learned to despise them. I went to the Mets and stayed there, and my father couldn't have been more proud when that happened. But I digress.

My point here is to talk about *why* I hate the Yankees, and all that they stand for.

1. Yank-Rod: I used to have some respect for you. You were greedy, but shit, if someone offered me $957 million a year to play in Arlington, I would've jumped too. Above all, you were immensely talented, the best ballplayer I'd ever seen in my life. But then you approved a trade to the Yankees, where you'd forever be immortalized alongside great pinstripe mercenaries of the past. Now you sealed the deal with your sissy-slap of Bronson (or Brandon, if you're Tim McCarver) Arroyo. You're wholesome image may not be dead, the slew of endorsement deals will help keep you looking lily-white, but we all know the truth now. Hack.

2. Derek Jeter: I hate to admit it, but I have respect for you. How could I not? You play 100%, balls-out baseball every single day, and there's not many players who do that these days. You also have undying loyalty to your team, which is commendable as well. But that's where it ends. Your skills have diminished, plain and simple. You're still good, but you're no longer among that AL shortstop triumverate that once was (Jeter, A-Rod, Nomar). Come to think of it, the entire triumverate is dead, since you don't deserve it, Nomar's in the NL, and you *selfishly wouldn't let the better player keep the position!* Douchebag.

3. George Steinbrenner: This one's just too easy. Next...

4. Fairweather Yankee Fans: I have some friends who are die-hard Yankee fans. These are the guys who were genuinely nervous when the ALCS began, and then again once the Sox took 2 games (and had the rebuilt $6 Million Dollar Pitcher coming up the next night). You folks are alright. But it's the fully-blinded-by-4-World-Series-wins-in-5-years fans who can suck it. You folks weren't around during the Mattingly years; you were hanging out with my Dad & I at Shea, since we were the winners then. You're the people who yesterday were sulking around NYC saying things like "good job for the Sox, they broke The Curse." Now, let's skip the logic that reminds us all that there is no Curse. Saying that there truly was one, the CURSE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH GETTING BEATEN BY THE YANKS! Fucking morons. The "Curse" will be lifted whenever they win a World Series. Technically speaking, The Curse is still in effect. Apparently stupid really is as stupid does.

5. Giambi: Worst... Image... Makeover... Ever. Nice free agent move, sport. You went from straight-talking hero to the average Joe into robotic automaton. You now have all the personality of a newly-paved highway.

6. Ex-Yankees: I hate the concept of "Yankee For Life". I can get into the idea for the occasional player who meant something to his teammates and to the fans. Like Tom Seaver didn't spend his entire career as a Met, but he truly is a Met For Life. But every single guy who had 3 AB's (and struck out in each of them) in 1972 and then went on to have a huge career on some other teams is claimed by the Yankees and their fans as being one of their own, forever. What the shit? Am I forever owned by my 5th grade Little League team? Am I one of the purple uniform guys for life, even though I also spent some time in yellow uniforms and green uniforms? Someone stop Deion Sanders before he's hired as the next third base coach!

7. Competition, or The Lack Thereof: You could argue that they haven't won it all since 2000, but I'd argue this point right back. By running around with more money hanging out of their pockets than Patrick Ewing at the Gold Club, the Yankees buy their way to division championship after division championship. "Oh, we already have 5 all-star quality outfielders? Well, let's sign Beltran for $15 mil a year anyway." Can Congress enforce anti-monopoly laws on these guys already? Fuck.

I think that about does it for now. This was quite cathartic. Feels good to get this off my chest.

Here's to the 2004 Red Sox. Kick some Cardinal ass, and then you guys can break "The Curse," again.


post id: 46462041

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