Originally Posted: 2004-09-28 7:48pm
So here's the deal:
I have this wonderful and loving, but misguided friend who occasionally gives my live-in boyfriend and I unwanted gifts.
Some of these items we keep around the house for her to see when she visits, lest we hurt her feelings. Others we stealthily donate to the Salvation Army. The remainder we throw out (Playboy and Penthouse Letters, happily, are recyclable--- thank you, Mayor Bloomberg!) .
We have cleaned out the house for over a month and now have left two items:
1. One can of Franco-American Beef Gravy
2. One VHS copy of “Where the Boys Aren’t”, Vol. #10
My quandry is as follows:
A. It has always been against my principles to throw away food. Bearing that in mind, I cannot imagine going to the trouble to donate this solitary can of gravy to a homeless shelter or food kitchen. (Perhaps this makes me a bad person, I can live with that.)
B. Porno: I ask, just where do you unload this stuff? You can’t donate it to a charitable organization and I will not venture into the world of collectors searching for this choice item, thank you.
C. That said, I could leave these items out for someone to pick up, but I do not wish for children to get hold of them (gravy and porn alike). I also do not want to deal with the consequences of some vagrant chugging gravy, puking, and whacking-off on my stoop (in no particular order). We have families here.
I reiterate, if you respond you will get the following absolutely FREE:
1. One girl-on-girl porn vid featuring Jenteal, Janine, and other various and sundry “ho”s.
2. One pristine can of Franco-American gravy with “More Beef Flavor”. It has a pull-top on it (no can opener required!) and serves 5. You will need to add 3 tablespoons of “drippings” (I care not to hear about where they come from, thank you.)
Please come forward and help a bleeding heart, WASPY, waste-not-want-not vegetarian, heterosexual girl in distress!
PS: Identification proving you are of proper age for said goods will be required.
this is in or around Greenpoint