best of craigslist > new york > What we DON'T need on the subway...
Originally Posted: 2004-09-18 6:18pm

What we DON'T need on the subway...

There are plenty of groups who want more trains, cleaner stations, etc.

On the other hand, I'm not sure that there too many of us that will speak for the millions who ride the subway regularly...and talk about the things we DON'T want.
Hopefully, I can provide a voice for the countless subway riders who haven't had anyone speak up about these things...until now.

  • We don't want people passing through with toys that make noise, flash, and distract us while we are trying to read or stare vacantly at the Dr. Zizmor and Cingular Wireless ads.
  • We don't want anyone trying to sell "Dynacell", "Powercell" or dead, saran-wrapped Duracell batteries. BTW, even though nobody has tried to sell Energizer batteries for some reason, this is NOT an invitation to start.
  • I love the diversity of NY, but it's just not cool to take the "no-bathing" aspect from the old country into the subways with you. I wasn't born in the US either, but I am happy to confirm that anti-perspirant is very affordable and easy to use.
  • We are pretty happy with our religion or lack thereof. We don't need anybody giving a captive audience a lecture on doomsday or false idols. We certainly don't need them screaming it at us. We most certainly do not need 2 prophets in the same subway car doing all of the above at the same time!
  • We don't need breakdancers getting on each other's shoulders and banging their head on the ceiling EVERY TIME they give a performance inside a moving train. We don't need to try to make out that distorted noise coming from their duct-taped boomboxes. Maybe it would sound a little better if you didn't use those Dynacells or Powercells (see above).
  • We don't need homeless people asking us "for food" because they "haven't eaten in days." To curb this, we need more people like me, who always carry a Powerbar for exactly this purpose. We could even use a little more of the friendly converstation that always ensues between total strangers after the Powerbar handoff is concluded and a look of bewilderment follows from the homeless person (since they actually received the food they asked for).
  • We don't need groups of tourists talking at full volume about all the weird people they saw, that they never see back home. We certainly don't need these same tourists giving money to a lot of the people mentioned above. You encourage them to keep bothering the rest of us long after you have gone back home! Be a little more considerate.
  • We don't need groups of teenagers talking at full volume about who they are dating, who they like, who they are breaking up with, or who they are hooking up with. Shouldn't you be doing that during class?
  • We don't need to see couples feeling each other up. Since this usually happens during later hours, after the "G" and "PG" audience is home, give us a little bit of "R" entertainment. At least some "PG-13". Please.
  • We don't need to see these couples that were feeling each other up nonstop a year earlier arguing nonstop a year later. If the argument is particularly funny, it might still be OK.
  • We don't need people asking if the train is going downtown when there is a sign right above your head that says it is going uptown.
  • We don't need to crowd into the train before the dozens of people that need to get off have actually done so. It just slows things down for everybody. There is even a sign on most platforms that says "STEP ASIDE." Read it and take note.
  • We don't want to put up with plus-sized individuals taking up multiple seats. If you haven't bought 2 metrocards, then stand. Airlines make you pay for 2 seats, so be fair.
  • We don't need people taking it personally, getting vulgar and sometimes physical when someone bumps into them. It is crowded and the train is moving. You have to accept that it happens! I hate to single out a certain ethnic group on this one, but can't we all just get along?
  • We don't need young women moving to the middle of the platform because they see a few rats on the tracks. Newsflash: They can't reach you!
  • We don't need drunk people laughing hysterically, making asses of themselves and flashing us while they are on their way home. On second thought, if you're attractive, the flashing is OK.
  • We don't need people to read if they also have to read to the 5 people near them. I always thought that we read with our eyes, NOT with our mouth.
  • We don't need people standing by the turnstiles, asking us to swipe them through while we are late for work.
  • We don't need people always standing outside the subway entrance asking us for $2 since their girl just had a son today and they have to get uptown. We know that there is no way their girl can give birth for 3 days in a row!
  • Finally, maybe we don't need people complaining so much about the subway when it is a pretty reliable, safe, and reasonably priced way to for NYC to get where it needs to go 24/7/365.


    this is in or around NYC
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